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Thread: Quitting Again - Keeping Myself Accountable

  1. #1
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    May 2017
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    Default Quitting Again - Keeping Myself Accountable

    Hi everyone,

    I'm quitting marijuana again. I quit once before, about 7 years ago, because I took a job that randomly drug tested. At that time, I experienced withdrawals that lasted a couple of weeks and then went away. I mainly just experienced a lack of appetite and terrible sleep. I don't remember any ill effects beyond a couple of weeks and remember being happy I quit and happy my mind felt clear again. I probably had some minor cravings after 2 weeks that I just don't remember. I didn't even want to quit at this time and had failed several times leading up to the big quit because I wasn't motivated to stop. I was doing it for outside reasons.

    Fast forward to 9 months ago. I started smoking again to control my anxiety and bad moods that come on in the evenings. Evening smoking quickly turned into all day smoking. All day smoking quickly turned into all day smoking + needing to smoke for anything I was going to do that day, including yard work, walks with my family, etc. I'm a fairly smart person, but I simply didn't realize this was becoming an addiction or didn't care until I entered into a full-blown depression. I couldn't stop being paranoid about getting fired from my job, a job I hate but can't afford to lose right now. My paranoia was brought on by doing less than stellar work on account of being stoned and lazy all the time. My depression was brought on by the hatred of my job, moutning paranoia/worries and the shame I felt in having kids who will be old enough one day to see their loser-stoner parent being a piece of shit.

    Something had to change, so a couple of weeks ago I resolved to see a therapist. I know I smoke weed because of anxiety and mild depression, illnesses I've managed to self-medicate and control the better part of my adult hood. I was prescribed Wellbutrin, and off I went. Fast forward to today. I quit smoking weed three days ago because the Wellbutrin helped me see the error of my ways even more clearly than I was already seeing them. What's more, it made the high marijuana gives me uncomfortable. The high was no longer euphoric, only confusing and oddly focused in nature. It made me sweaty and uncomfortable.

    I'm now sober for three days and have had fairly mild withdrawal symptoms, all things considered. I've been a little shaky, irritable in the evenings, had almost no appetite (also a side effect of Wellbutrin - I've lost 10 lbs) and have slept pretty poorly over three nights. That being said, my sleep was already improving by the third night, which is cause for cautious optimism. I should note that I don't smoke cigarettes, drink heavily, and I'm not consuming caffeine during this time. I want to make sure my body is as close to back to normal as I can get it, and I don't want other substances messing with my recovery or withdrawal symptoms. I'm also taking hot baths at least once a day to sweat out anything I can and drinking a ton of water. I don't know the science behind it, but I know the baths relax me and make me feel better before bed, so it can't hurt.

    I plan on checking back in now and again to share my results and keep myself accountable. If my story can help anyone else trying to recover, I'll be happy. Keep fighting the good fight everyone. It can and does get better. Just keep your sites set on why you're doing it. I'm focusing on my kids as motivation, and also my personal well-being.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Pennsylvania
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    Greetings. I spotted your thread (posted so conveniently recently), and decided we're going to help each other. haha! I have just decided as well that I need to get myself under control with my smoking, and so it stopped as of last night. I need to get a new job, true, but more importantly I need to remove my ganja-colored glasses and finally face the world head-on.

    I've been smoking for probably 20 years now, though only in the past 8 years has it become every waking moment outside of work and sleep. I'm also a hermit by nature, which makes it even more difficult to face 24 hours per jobless day.

    I tried this a few times before. Once for job hunting years ago (stopped for a month, still failed the test), and then a few weeks ago I tried again. The depression was unbearable. I knew the whole time it was due to not smoking, but couldn't help but believe that it was the past (pre-weed) coming back to make me miserable again. Instead of pushing through, I backpedaled and bought more pot.

    I'd like to stand with you on this platform, if I may. Two strangers waiting for the same busted smelly bus to take us somewhere we don't really WANT to go, but need to anyway. It seems like a better idea than sitting on the bench in the corner watching the world go buy and wondering if I should get in line or not.

    I have an idea for myself that I'll share. I plan to keep a journal of sorts. I call it 9-12-3-6. If I'm awake when the hour rolls around, write down how I've felt for the past 3 hours. It sounds excessive...whoops - Noon. hang on.

    the noon post: "Signing up for Cannabis Rehab Forums. Not a people person, but I'll try to reach out."

    My idea with this is that it will give me something immediate to focus on. As I get better, each 3 hour stretch may have a better report and make me feel better about my progress. Pot smoking is an immediate thing...want it now, want to relax now, now is taking too long to pass - give me something to speed it up. I hope that keeping this regular schedule - like checking in with a monitor or something - will help me control my mind.

    I DO NOT WANT TO STOP SMOKING!!!!! Honestly, I don't want it out of my life. What I want is to be able to have it on hand and pass it over. Be one of those people who can calmly say "nah, I'm not in the mood today. Maybe tomorrow." It's part of my addictive personality - if something is there I need to use it until it's gone. Food, booze, cigarettes, dish detergent. I want to control myself, if it's possible. I have one bit left over, wrapped up and stashed away, and I want it to stay there. 4 months, 6-12 months from now, I want to be able to look at it and say "hey, you're still here! Victory for me! But y'know, I'm not in the mood today."

    I'm going to keep an eye on your thread, and others. If you're holding yourself accountable, I will stand on the platform next to you and hold myself accountable too. Or at least try to. I'm human, y'know...not perfect.

    Best of luck, freshface. To both of us.

    ###

    Cute of the day: Two baby squirrels are chasing each other up and down the pine tree outside my window. I can tell they're new to it because they're moving very slowly and carefully, as though not too sure of themselves, which makes sense since one fell out of the tree earlier. Confidence comes with time and experience - lesson taught by a squirrel.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2017
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    5

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    Hi BustedWagon! I'd be happy to go on this journey with you. Please let me know how you've been doing and if you need any specific advice or encouragement. Just about 13 days in and still weed-free for me! My sleep problems have gotten a lot better lately. I find reading at least 30 minutes before bed REALLY helps. Makes the eyes heavy and all that. And if you don't get tired, you get a lot of good reading done. It's a nice silver lining. I've also found yard work to be a big help in avoiding the boredom and depression that can trigger cravings. It also helps burn the energy us smokers often smoke to tamp down. I've had some strong cravings, and have really really wanted to smoke before I watched certain shows and movies I like, since smoking to make things funnier/interesting is my main reason for it. I get bored easily and need the sensory upgrade. I lost about 10 pounds right after quitting because my appetite completely bottomed out. It's recovered quite nicely now. Memory problems still seem to be a little issue, like forgetting to shave before work when I probably need to. Stuff like that. All-in-all, I'm doing great and plan to keep it up until I truly believe I can smoke recreationally without making it an all-day thing. I'm not sure I'll ever get there, and if I don't, that's fine. I'd rather be clean, sober, and successful than high, depressed, and unemployed. I hope I don't end up having to choose one or the other, but we'll see.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Pennsylvania
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    Hi!

    I hear you with the shows and movies. I'm basically forcing myself to do the things I used to do with weed, without it. I'm hoping that I'll eventually get bored with them and want to do something else. So far no dice, but I also blame the beer I bought. Last week I was able to stop after a few episodes or one game on the computer, but this weekend I took a few steps back. It's all a mental issue, I know, but it's still a tough nut to crack.

    Sensory upgrade...very slick way of putting it.

    I do think my memory is actually coming back a bit. While smoking, I'd have frequent moments when I'd go into a room for something, but once there I forgot what I wanted. Or I'd be doing one thing, spot something else that needed done, and forget about the first one. Maybe it's not memory so much as attention span, but instant distraction and forgetfulness seems to be fading.

    I too hope that one day, once I acquaint myself with other joys in life, I will be able to smoke again once in a while...have it and not touch it. That's my goal, though it might take years to get there and by then I might not want to bother anymore. Who knows. We're all trying to re-wire our brains.

    Best wishes and best of luck! 13 days! Awesome! I'll get there too. I have to!

    Thanks for being here!

    -Busted

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2017
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    Hi busted and fresh face, I came across this forum last night and found this thread kind of inspiring, I guess it's great to come across folks that are going through the exact same feelings as me at the exact time!!! I'm on day 2 of quitting an 11 year daily habit and feel kind of blessed now I've found this forum to check in with from time to time!!. Pleasure to meet you both. Jack

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)


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