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Thread: Slogging through Misery - Quitter's Journal

  1. #51
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
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    Melbourne, Australia
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    Hi Busted,

    Those computer games sound really interesting. I am actually quite interested because I never got into computer games, and so I am keen to hear what other people get out of them. Those world building games sound really, very cool. You obviously have a long list of games that you choose from, and play some every day. Do you think that it gives you specific skills such as problem solving or spatial awareness skills? I often wonder if gamers are particularly employable in this day and age because of the skills they learn from gaming.

    I am sorry to hear that you tested positive yesterday, but it is early days. The main thing is that you are learning to live your life without cannabis and that is going to have some significant benefits as you progress. I know that you want to get a job, but I think that you will really notice some positive effects on your cognition too, as time goes on.

    It sounds like you had not too bad a day yesterday and I am glad to hear it. Mashed potato, sauteed mushrooms and shrimp! Why not?!? I made myself an egg and ham toastie for breakfast this morning, because I had an exam and had to last for three hours. And I did it! Woo hoo

    Hope things continue to get better. I think that it doesn't matter about counting the days. My psychologist reckons that it can be more harmful than helpful to do that. The important thing is that you are a non smoker. At least you don't smoke cannabis. Me either. Hehe. It is so much better! Do you smoke cigarettes?

    Cheers,
    Alice

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  2. #52
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Pennsylvania
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    Day 13.

    The number should say it all. Ha...er...no, it's not funny.

    Just inadvertently saved the lives of two heroin junkies who decided to park, OD, and pass out next to my house. Yeah, you heard me right. I guess it's a good thing that I look out the window every time I hear something out there - trying to prevent just what happened anyway. I didn't hear them pull up...only the ticking of the car engine made me wonder who was sitting out there.

    I'm not going to go into detail. If I was a spill the beans person, I'd have been standing there filming instead of calling 911.

    Let's just say, for all of us struggling with ourselves over cannabis...here's some perspective, people. We may be having our own nervous breakdowns, but we're not so jacked up that we're dying in the middle of the night in our cars with needles in our arms.

    PERSPECTIVE!

    Hey, they're lucky I wasn't smoking or I might have totally ignored them, and woke up the next morning with two DEAD people next to my house.

    Ugh. Now I need a beer...

    Heh...just heard another car go by...couldn't help it...hopped up to make sure they kept on moving. It's not easy minding my own business, which happens to include the street next to my house. MY STREET!

    Have a good evening, people. Just remember...we might be having problems, but we're not THAT bad.

    Hugs,
    Busted

  3. #53
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    Jul 2015
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    Melbourne, Australia
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    hi Busted,

    That is one hell of a crazy story!! I am so glad to hear that they were okay! Good on you!

    You are right of course. We can get so caught up in our little worlds that we forget that compared to so many people we have it so good. I think about this often actually. It blows my mind some of the shit that people have to put up with. I wish I could give them something of my heart for their troubles, and solve the problems of this world. But will is not enough.

    Yes, we could have it a lot worse. Can you even begin to imagine what it must be like to give up something like valium, oxycontin or heroin?

    It does not devalue the struggle that we go through or have been through giving up cannabis, but it sure does make me thank my lucky stars, and hope that they will be okay.

    Hope you have a good day.

    Alice

  4. #54
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    May 2017
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    Pennsylvania
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    Day what...15? Sure, and it's day...almost. The birds seem to think so. Turds! Just for that I'm starting the day with some Cyaneed/Biru Baby...what's the angriest song they have? I guess 'Break Break Fakey Clown' will have to do. Take that, birds! (BTW, I'm a little miffed that KT seems to have left the band and been replaced with some dudes and dancers. WTF? From Rock Chick Power Band to useless eye-candy BS? Miffed.)

    Missed two posts in a row, but what's 4:30 in the morning among friends? Am I right? The deer in the backyard is happily snoozing, but what's she know?

    Went to bed around 9:30. Fool...should have known that I'm on a 6 hour cycle these days. 3:30 rolls around and kapwing! eyes open.

    nonono...close right back up, eyes! Close those lids right this nanosecond! Go back to sleep...back to sleep...to sleep...sleep, darnit, sleep! 3:40. grrr...gotta go to the bathroom. don't turn on any lights! That's the ticket...try to half-sleep it to the toilet and back. Nope...3:50. Now I hear the fan way too clearly, and the neighbor's air conditioner, and a train 5 miles away and doggonnit! SLEEP!

    Ear plugs! yay! Ear plugs to the rescue! Get in there! Come on, squish long enough to fit. Darnit! Still hear the fan, and what now sounds like rain but is just the muffled air conditioner. 4:05. Come on! It's nearly time! Pop a benadryl! Maybe that will work...yeah. Just enough to facilitate snooze.

    4:15. Please? pretty please with counted sheep and some snoring? Quick before...

    *tweereet, tweereet, tweereet*

    No...

    *tweereet, tweereet, tweereet*

    DUDE! Seriously?!

    *growlllll*

    Shut up, stomach! It's 4:20...oh god! NO FAIR NO FAIR NO FAIR!!! carga-blarga-fling-a-doodle! razza-fraaza-snarga-fizzle! Doggonnit frelling bird turd!!!

    *tweereet, tweereet, tweereet*

    I'm up, you feathered menace! Are you happy?!? Wide awake at four-frelling-thirty! whoops, my bad, it's now 4:48.

    Shut up, stomach! You're not helping. *grrowlder-rumble-gurrgle-udge* *feed me, busted! you're awake now, it's food time!*

    Gul-dangit! Well, looks like the deer woke up too. Good! If I have to suffer, so do you! Up and at 'em, Petunia! Wakey wakey! Blame the frelling bird!

    I had plans for today - this evening. Let's hope I'm not falling asleep at 4 this afternoon.

    ARGH!!!!!!!!!

    'Vitorino' at maximum volume, frelling birds! Take Norwegian at 5:00 am!

    -Busted

  5. #55
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    Jul 2015
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    Melbourne, Australia
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    Hehe, I remember those early morning awakenings. I miss them to be honest!

    I hope you have a great day and a wonderful evening!

    Cheers,
    Alice

  6. #56
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    May 2017
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    Ok, two posts in one day. I managed to go back to sleep around 6 am and slept until around 10:30.

    Did some shopping...ok, too much shopping. It was a quest for coffee that wound up including poster frames, sneakers, sheets, fish food, swimsuits, toilet paper and other stuff. The grocery stores around here don't sell French Vanilla coffee anymore (unless they're Keurig, which I don't waste my money on), so I had to raid some of the clothing stores that have miscellaneous home items - subsequently buying other stuff as well. Success! I now have 5 bags of delicious French Vanilla coffee!

    I also finally bought frames for my puzzles. I like the artwork for some puzzles (Steve Sundram is fantastic!), so when I finish them I like to glue them to posterboard and hang them up. Now I'll finally be able to make them look a little nicer. I had 4 up already, just finished one, and there's one more to put together and then I'll be done with the puzzle art. The poster frames are a little huge, but it looks better that way. It takes a second to realize you're looking at a puzzle.

    The evening plans fell through, but it's just as well. I wasn't in the mood anymore.

    Tonight's mission is to stay up until midnight - 11 at the latest.

    Really, Alice? You miss waking up at 4 in the morning? wow! Well, I can see being awake for 4:20, but any other reason is insane in my book. haha! To each their own...

    Blissfully drowning in coffee,
    -Busted

  7. #57
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    Hehe, no, not really. 4 am is a bit much. Although I have had occasions in the past when I woke up at 4 am, absolutely full of beans and excited about something, and that was a rather effervescent feeling! I just thought your post was very amusing and I had just woken up myself. I used to wake up at dawn every day because my bedroom looked out over the ocean and got the rising sun when I was living on the coast. Now that I am in the city, I am trying to train myself to wake up a bit earlier, and it is working. There is this great app called Sleep Cycle that wakes you up in your lightest sleep phase. It is not bad!

    It really sounds like you have lots of hobbies and interests. The puzzle thing sounds really interesting, and you obviously had an interesting day shopping for all sorts of things. Do they sell coffee in clothing shops? Hehe. I am confused.

  8. #58
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    May 2017
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    Pennsylvania
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    Day 16

    It was HOT today. Hazy, hot and humid. Yuck! I managed to trim the hedge (instead of mowing the lawn), so at least that is done until September. But I tell you what...I REALLY wanted a bowl when I was done. I wanted my reward! grrr! Oh well. I also did groceries this morning and made hamburger patties to keep in the freezer. For once I did it on the same day. Sometimes I almost lose a whole pack of meat by procrastination. Trying to get better. But yeah, I really wanted to smoke today.

    I like waking up early too, just not super early. The rising sun comes in my bedroom window, so it's hard to ignore on a clear morning. I didn't mind so much when I was smoking because there was so much day to spend, but now I know that the earlier I get up, the earlier in the evening I'll get bored or tired. I'm tired now and trying to stall until 11:30. If I was smoking I'd be drinking tea and playing on the computer until 3, but I don't feel like gaming anymore today.

    Haha...confession...I don't own a smartphone. No apps for me. Never got into the whole phenomenon. I know I'm behind the times, but I don't need it.

    I haven't bought any new puzzles - mostly because I only want them in one room. I just have one left over from years ago that I need to put together. But it's interesting art, I think. Horses, dolphins, whales, the Grand Canyon, endangered species of North America, and I'll round it out with sea turtles. I meant to frame them all today, but lost that momentum after trimming the hedge.

    We have some clothing stores that have all sorts of housewares, and they also include some food items. Not FOOD-food, but organic spices, funky trail mixes, olive oils, coffee, tea...stuff in little bags or cans. I don't remember when they started doing it...when I was a kid you could buy pots, pans and plates, but not actual edibles. Now they do have simple things. Organic seaweed crisps, chocolate covered nuts, and funky stuff like that. Usually stashed around the line to check out, so you can't help yourself. haha!

    There is a gnat flying around driving me crazy! He's attracted to the computer screen when there's a big light on overhead. Get away from my screen!

    Yeah, how many people actually use desktop computers anymore? Buy CD's and DVD's? Have answering machines? Oh well. I like my stuff. I figure if I put everything in one device, why would I need a house? I could live in a car with a hot plate and baby wipes. It's all good. When they make neural interface virtual reality transporter technology available on the everyday budget, maybe then I'll upgrade.

    Oh, Stripe and Pixie's mother had her fawn (at least I think it was their mother)! They came through the yard yesterday. It's so cute! The little one was about the size of a medium-small dog, and he/she kept running back and forth around the yard while momma kept watch for a moment. I guess they don't get to frolic in safety very often. Well, they're welcome back any time! Haven't seen Stripe since I last mentioned him, and I'm almost positive that Pixie is dead, but thus is nature. The fawn was adorable!

    Ok, I need to sleep. Have a good one, folks!

    -Busted

  9. #59
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
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    Melbourne, Australia
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    Quote Originally Posted by BustedWagon View Post
    I could live in a car with a hot plate and baby wipes. It's all good.
    You are very funny, hehe.

    I am sorry to hear that you are struggling a bit with thoughts of a hit. Hopefully today will be a bit easier. I remember when those cravings would hit, and I would say to myself that 'I didn't want to live that way', and that 'I would just get into a loop with it'. Whatever your reasons, I think that you will find in six to eighteen months, that your life will improve out of sight. And you are obviously a very intelligent, interesting and vibrant person, with a lot to live for.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    I know that there are some moments in the journey where you just want to curl back up in your warm blanket, but speaking from the other side. Being free is so worth every one of those moments. They PASS. You just have to get to the other side of those thoughts and feelings, or let them glide by. It is worth it, I promise. ESPECIALLY if it means getting a job. How amazing would that be?!

    I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend :-) Especially the coffee :-) I know a few people who don't have smart phones. They don't feel like they need them.

    Have fun
    Alice

  10. #60
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    Jun 2017
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    Thanks for sharing your story...tomorrow morning is day 1 for me after 28 yrs of solid use, morning noon and night and 28 yrs of wasting my life....I don't know how it will go, or who will be the first to cop my shitty attitude....I so want to succeed this time....I feel like its slowly killing me.
    You write so well, a wonderful talent you have!
    I also live near bushland and have heaps of animals....I love photographing them, not that I'm any good, that might keep me busy....last time I tried to give up I was so freaking bored!

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