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Thread: I'd like to give up weed :)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2017
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    Default I'd like to give up weed :)

    Hi everyone,

    I don't really know why I'm posting this, I don't really even know what I'm asking but here I am!

    I'm coming up for 29, I'm a mother to two children under the age of 10.
    I've been smoking weed since I was about 12/13.. daily use since I was about 15, I smoked weed from the moment I woke up to the minute I went to bed.. over the past say 6 months I've managed to wait until atleast 3.45pm before I have my first joint.. but I have slipped up on many occasions and have rolled one up at 9.15am.. once I've had one that's it, I'm on it all day! I can't have a joint and then smoke a normal roll up.. it just doesn't happen!

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    I have moments I want to give up, then I have moments where I justify it.. I have many reasons why I want to give up; firstly I'm in a community where smoking weed is frowned upon so it's like my big secret I guess! It is difficult because sometimes I'm paranoid that the person I'm speaking with can tell that I'm stoned, or maybe that they can smell it on me.
    Or when someone knocks on my door unannounced; if I can I won't answer it, simply because I know the house stinks of weed and I wouldn't want them to smell it/judge me.. and if I do have to answer, there's the fear that they can indeed smell it.

    Will they judge me? Will they report me? Just some of the thoughts that play in my mind.. my partner doesn't smoke at all, and confirms that the house does indeed smell very strongly of weed.

    I also don't want my children to realise I smoke weed; not because they'd judge me but because I wouldn't want them telling someone and I end up being judged or worse reported!

    Another worry is they'll start smoking themselves when older and be all "well mum smokes it!" And end up in the rut I'm stuck in

    Also I am due to go on holiday in a few months, something I've been avoiding for years simply because I know I won't be able to smoke weed there.. I do suffer with anxiety, I'm very anti social and I "hate people" although will chat happily and confidently when I have to (school run for example).. I wonder if this is down to years of smoking? I find I can't make friends because we don't share the love of weed, I'd rather have my coffee with a joint rather than have it with nothing/someone.. but on the other hand I don't really want friends anyway? I'm so confused.. I've also found munchies are starting to cause an issue, as I'm getting older I find I can't eat half as much chocolate as I used to without the consequences; I'm putting on weight which isn't helping my confidence one bit; I'd love to be one of these ladies that excersise, I'd like to tone up etc.. but I simply can't be bothered, again I'd rather sit down with a coffee, joint and a chocolate cake..

    Money is another, I normally buy about £100 worth a time; I stock up "just incase".. I really can't keep wasting my spare money on weed! Each time I buy some it gets that little bit harder to hand over the cash.

    I hope that if I give up smoking weed, my moods will level out, I hope that I will have more energy because right now I am exhausted ALL the time!

    I think I'll find the hardest is evenings, weekends.. I love a joint with a film, a coffee.. sometimes at night, I'll feel too "bloated" for another joint, so I'll eat something to absorb it just so I can smoke another joint.. does that make sense? It's ridiculous right?

    My plan is I'll smoke through this weekend, simply because my partner and I have a weekend to ourselves and I wouldn't want to ruin it with withdrawal moods! I would like to make Sunday night my last smoke, I want to write my dealers phone number down and stick it in my stash tin.. get my partner to hide the stash tin and delete the dealers number from my phone.. the reason I want it hidden & not destroyed is incase I do have a re lapse, not only that but the thought of having none in the house would make it all abit worse.. maybe.. I'm not sure what best approach to take really.

    What would you advise? Thankyou for taking the time to read my ramblings, it feels great being able to talk to someone about this!

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,015

    Default

    Hi there KSHG,

    Firstly, welcome. It is great to see you here! When I was reading your post, it made me remember in colourful detail the nightmare. It is so awful to constantly be aware that you are doing something wrong. I remember being worried that I was going to get busted, and it is not a nice way to live. Not only that, but all that negative self-talk about the fact that you are using at all.

    That is definitely one good thing about being free of this addiction. I don't have to worry about any of that stuff. I am not worried about someone turning up unexpectedly. I am not worried about going away on holidays, and how I can manage that, and I certainly don't have to waste half my life beating myself up about the fact that I smoke weed. It is a non issue, and it is really nice.

    It sounds as though you and I are quite similar in our approach. I gave up by progressively cutting deeper and deeper into the addiction. First, I smoked all day, then I was forced to quit. After that, I cut back to after 5 pm smoking. Then I started skipping days and then I quit completely. Cannabis Rehab Admin has said that research has showed that this is not as successful as just going cold turkey, but it worked for me. It did take time, but each time I cut back, I did start to function better than before. I also think there is a concept of down regulation that can reduce the receptors in your brain if you cut back so that when you do quit, your withdrawal effects are not as bad.

    The best thing you can do is keep trying, in whatever way you find works for you. If you feel completely fed up with it, then that is a good place to start. I found that getting into a good mindset was really helpful, and reading other people's stories and posting is a good way of doing that (as well as being a good distraction in the first few weeks). Far from being a waste of time or a strange thing to do, posting here actually helps to reinforce your decision, every time you post and that commitment can make the withdrawals easier to deal with.

    I know exactly what you mean about keeping a life line for weed in case you relapse. I was the same, and to be honest, I still have a stash tucked away in my bedroom. I will chuck it eventually. At the time it was too scary for me to break the whole connection with it, until I was sure that this is what I wanted to do. It sounds weird and other people don't agree that it is the way to go, but for me, the fact that I had some (or a dealers number or whatever) meant that I didn't have to have the extra stress of worrying about the fact that I was 'completely out', as this can be a factor for a drug addict.

    If you can manage to just keep your dealers number and no weed, it might be good. I found that at that really hard stage of about three months, when all the the last of the tricky threes kicked in, and I was having to talk myself down every night (this board was an absolute life saver), at one point, I was sitting on my bed with a pipe filled with some weed and thinking really hard about whether I wanted to do that. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I managed to put it down and to abstain. It was lucky, because complete abstinence, is, I believe, the only way to get through an addiction such as ours. If we have even a little bit, it creeps back in, and most people say that they can't go back to occasional use.

    So, I think don't sweat your dealer's number, if it makes you feel more comfortable. I also think that your idea of having a peaceful weekend with your partner without withdrawals is a good one. Then, give it a go. What do you have to lose? If you are anything like me, you are always learning and growing and everything that I learnt about quitting weed helped me to quit.

    Life is better by the way. It is so much calmer, cleaner and easier. It is so much less stressful. There are so many benefits that I can't list them, but I think that it is a great thing to do for your kids.

    Good luck and have a great weekend!
    Cheers,
    Alice

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
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    Sorry, not sure why that posted twice and I am not sure how to delete posts.

    Happy days :-)

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