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Thread: Day 16 - Started out pretty good, now I feel like killing someone (or myself)

  1. #1
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Default Day 16 - Started out pretty good, now I feel like killing someone (or myself)

    Hello,

    I have been a daily smoker for about 12-13 years, not really sure anymore. Started when I was 13 and gotten worse over the years. I am 29 now. Pot was always my drug of choice, I experimented with Mushrooms and LSD a little bit and drink socially but that's about it. I am probably one of those "prestigious" 9% who cannot use any kind of drug responsibly, I use them until I nearly pass out, just because... so a clean life seems to be the only viable option.

    Also I am a very shy/silent person by nature so smoking pot did not make my life easier in any way. Nevertheless I knew from day one that "this is it". This stuff is gonna stick with me, and so it did. Even though my first high was pretty horrible.

    After countless, rather desperate, attempts to stop I actually managed to get some momentum going this time. The first week was pretty shitty (as usual), nausea, sleepless night and other fun things. Nowhere near the horrible physical sensations some people are describing here but still annoying.

    Week two was actually great, I mean I had cravings and was kind of emotionally unbalanced but all in all I was surprised at how easy it seemed to be this time. That was until two days ago. Since Thursday I have been off from work and actually had time to be with myself, to think about my situation and whatnot. It is f***** awful. I hate myself, everyone/thing around me except my dog and my grandma and just feel like starting a fight with everyone that walks past me. I actually threatened a biker who was cutting lanes yesterday to beat him to death with his own helmet if "he pulled that shit again." If the guy wouldn't have looked so shocked (and profusely apologized) there is no doubt in my mind I would have gotten out of the car...

    That cannot be normal, right? I have always had a lot of anger and/or rage inside of me especially when I feel disrespected. That's actually why I smoked such s*** tons of weed, it made me more mellow, helped to put things in perspective and not freak out because of random events. But at the same time it made me passive, paranoid and generally horrified about my future and how I am pissing away my potential. That's pretty much why I stopped, and I really really really want to continue the path I took roughly two weeks ago, but the person I am right now... I hate him. He is dangerous, to myself and others. So what's my play here? Therapy or rehab groups are not an option, simply because in my country you either get an appointment in 6-8 months or they do not seem to exist. Especially not for weed.

    I have been supplementing with Thyrosin (dopamine), St Johns Wort and Ashwaghanda. Which seems to help quite a bit mood wise, at least I thought so. But now I am not sure of anything anymore. The fact that I solely have stoner friends and colleagues (wtf?) does not make it easier because I pretty much had to isolate myself from everyone. My family has no idea about my addiction as it would kill them to know what I have been doing for the past decade.

    I read this great guide from the Lund University Sweden about quitting MaryJane (it is in English and imho should be read by everyone trying to quit, but I'm not allowed to share the link so maybe ask google if you are interested) and it put a lot of things in perspective. It's actually the only reason I have come so far this time, but I am really not sure whether I should have any interest in being the "person I really am", for obvious reasons.

    Thank you guys for reading and any suggestions/experiences you might share. Sure could use them right now. ty.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,031

    Default

    Hi there,

    I think what you are feeling is definitely normal. I am giving up a different psychological addiction at the moment, and I definitely have a short fuse. It is just a withdrawal symptom. If you can try to be creative with different potential activities, you might get some relief. I find that reading the Guardian newspaper online or researching some topic of interest on the internet can distract me enough to forget the aggravation.

    Distraction is definitely your friend right now. I would suggest reading everything you can about other people's experiences and if you feel like it, posting to while away the time and reinforce your mindset. The more you can get involved in other activities (like work), the easier it will be to forget your withdrawal symptoms.

    If your aggression or aggravation were underlying before you started smoking, there might be a rebound effect where it increases in the first little while that you quit. I would suggest that there is probably medication that can help you address your aggression. Therapy would be good too, but it sounds as though you live in a country were psychological help is not all that available?

    You could maybe try this book by DR Russ Harris. https://www.actmindfully.com.au/book...d=855&catid=61 It is also available in book form from the shop on that page. It sounds like you have a lot of little monsters under the deck of your ship that are coming up to yell and scream at you when you are steering your ship in a valued direction. The monsters can't hurt you, but they do yell loudly!

    Good luck! Check back any time

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,031

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    I think that the other activities that can be really useful are exercise and journalling. Exercise helps you to let off some steam. Journalling helps you to express some of your thoughts and get them off your chest.

    Good luck!

  4. #4
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Default

    Thank you very much for this. Just the fact that you can relate without judging is very helpful right now. I will have a look at that book. Exercise is always great, but so far I cannot find the energy for it. Hope that changes in a couple of days/weeks. Thank you.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Suggestions:
    Read and listen to:
    You Can Heal Your Life by Louis Hay (also has a meditation or affirmations on audio)
    Sleep Learning System (anxiety, panic attacks, and sleep) by Joel Thielke (on itunes) play it 24/7.

    Make an appt. with a Naturopath to help with symptoms. IE: Glycine for anxiety, etc.

    I am also on the same "roller coaster" withdrawal ride. It is brutal.

    Baby steps.
    Faith. Prayer.
    Support, profesional and personal.

    Hope this helps some.
    Retired Guy

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    9

    Default

    You got to ride out the storm, I promise sunshine will come out of the clouds. Those sensors in your brain needs time to readjust. Weed is very toxic to the brain and it simply takes time; sure, saunas, gyms helps but your friend is just plain old time.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)


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