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Thread: Looking to quit

  1. #101
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    Default Werk, style and rest

    Quote Originally Posted by Thisisme373 View Post
    I think a big part of it is my neck scar aswell, itís holding me back confidence wise. Itís making me socially shy.
    Hi Thisisme!
    Sorry to hear you are not enjoying your job so far. I guess with any kind of big change, there is going to be an adjustment period, and I think a week is too early to tell if you are going to enjoy or thrive in this job. I actually think that three months is a good amount of time to commit to giving it a go. After that time, you will really know if you are going to be happy there, or if this is not the right place for you to thrive.

    With regard to the scar on your neck, it reminds me of a woman who would often see (imagine) trees in the middle of the road when she was driving her child to school. She could do nothing about the trees in the middle of the road, and she had to force herself to push through, and drive through the trees to get her child home.

    With your scar, I would bet that no one has even noticed it, or if they have, they would certainly not be thinking negatively of you because of it. They are probably thinking 'poor guy. I hope it didn't hurt.' or something else more compassionate than the big ugly monster thoughts in your head. To be true, the problem is not your scar as such, because there is absolutely nothing you can do about this. It is a fact. The problem, I think is hooking up on the thoughts that your scar is going to impact on your social or work relationships. That certainly is not fact at all. And beyond that, it is not helpful. So, when you start to think these things, you can say to yourself in your mind: 'aha! Thanks mind. I know this old story. This is the story of the scar making people dislike me story.' Or 'I am having the thought that this scar is going to make people not like me.'

    If all else fails, I would suggest a course in body postivity - yes, it is important for men too. Let me know if you want a recommendation! There are so many things that we can't change about ourselves. And I agree with John that our task is to change our relationship with our thoughts around these physical characteristics.

    I hope that you have a good weekend and get some rest. It is really, really hard when you are not sleeping well. I have been having that problem too myself lately, and all I can say is that keep trying. Keep going back to sleep when your overanxious mind wakes you up, and keep trying to get as many hours sleep as possible. Train your mind to sleep more and more and stress less and less. Routine can be good for this too - so the job might help with sleep in the long run.

    Wishing you all the best of luck with your coming week! Let us know how you go.
    Alice :-)

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Governmentís FREE SAMHSAís National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)


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  2. #102
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    Jun 2012
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    Thank you for the reply Alice, you are right about the thoughts being negative and me thinking it will effect my working relationship with my work colleagues and the customers & my job performance as it involves a lot of interaction, my scar makes me socially awkward, like Iím avoiding conversation, it does make me think I canít do this job and just want to run away.
    I think I have focused on this way way too much and itís became a big deal.
    I donít think anyone has noticed it yet but Iím very anxious about the thought of it being brought up eventually.

  3. #103
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    Hi Thisisme,
    Yes, I know this happens sometimes with issues we have with parts of our bodies we don't like. We can focus on it, and worry about it, and think about it so much that it becomes this bigger than Ben Hur issue, and will always taint the way we approach certain activities. I hear you. I have parts of my body like that too, and I trying to learn how to treat them with a sense of power and strength.

    It sounds like your job is taking you out of your comfort zones on a few levels, particularly the requirement to talk to people and make conversation. It is also understandable that you are feeling anxious. You are doing the kinds of things that will naturally make your mind feel afraid, because they are so new and different. My advice with this anxiety, is that the more that you run away from this feeling of being socially awkward with people, the worse this feeling will get, in every day situations.

    So if you were to give in to the ANXIETY and run away, your mind would then lower the bar and next time you are talking to someone in a less stressful situation, you might get anxiety then too. If you run away from that, you will always be running, and it will get worse and worse. However, if you choose to stick with these uncomfortable feelings and push through, even if it feels clunky, even if your mind is telling you that you are doing a terrible job (guess what?! That is what minds do - doesn't mean it is true or helpful), you will TEACH your mind that these kinds of situations are actually safe and that you can handle them. This will set you up for a future of confidence and capacity in social situations. You will literally rewire your brain to become more confident and competent in these situations.

    Hey, listen. I do really get it. I have suffered a lot of social anxiety myself and even though I have come a huge way from a time when I could barely open an email, because I was so afraid of what was in it, I still need to work on this. Right now, I am working on the fact that I often feel like I need to escape (run away), if a social event or gathering goes for longer than I was expecting. This 'running away' is just a symptom of anxiety, and I need to rewire my brain to let it know that everything is okay. It is okay to go the distance with my friends and to get out of my comfort zone.

    Hope this helps some. Let us know if you need to talk over the weekend :-)
    Alice

  4. #104
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    Thank you Alice youíre reply really helped me so much, you are right I canít keep running, maybe this will be good for me to push through it, I canít lie I am very distressed about it but I canít keep hiding away all the time, Iíve got to think whatís the worst that can happen? I lose the job from not fitting in, at least I would of tried rather than running, I suppose I can always get another job.
    I will try my best with this one though, I do think Iím making this too big of a deal with my scar, most people donít even notice it (even though it is there in plain site which I hate) but for some reason itís a massive deal to me, I feel super self conscious about it, I need to change this thinking.
    you are absolutely dead on aswell that this job is totally out of my comfort zone but maybe itís what I need? To force myself into socialising? I really appreciate youíre help Alice.
    Last edited by Thisisme373; 01-26-2019 at 07:56 PM.

  5. #105
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    Hey Thisisme,
    I really like the way you are thinking with regard to giving your new job a chance. You are absolutely right to think about the worst thing that could happen. Is it really that bad? I think this is a very healthy way of thinking.
    I also agree that it is better to try and fail than to not try at all. In fact, failure is where it is at. If you can change your attitude around failure, you stand to grow and learn so much more. I have learnt this recently myself. ĎDonít be afraid to f it upí is great advice in business and life.

    With regard to your thinking around your scar, I would only suggest that you canít control or change your thoughts. Your thoughts will come as they do, and your job is to notice them, acknowledge them and then let them go. Your thoughts canít hurt you, but it is not necessary to follow them or hook up on them.

    I am not sure about the wisdom of forcing yourself to do something as yet, but I do think that it can be very rewarding and ultimately give you a lot of personal satisfaction if you step up and follow through on your social commitments.
    Each time you have an opportunity to be social, is another opportunity for growth and you may not always be up for it, but if you keep moving forward you will ultimately be rewarded with better skills in your social life.

    I hope this helps you a little more. Stay in touch! And good luck this week!
    Best,
    Alice :-)

  6. #106
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    Done a 6 hour shift this evening and I didnít enjoy it much to be honest, some customers are rude and try to belittle you, also I just notice that the staff here are very confident and extroverted while Iím a pretty quiet guy, just seems the role doesnít suit me at all but Iíll keep trying, have to say I would hate to do this job 40 hours per week, itís draining to me as I think I have some social anxiety for sure.

  7. #107
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    Hey Thisisme,
    I think that it is smart to think about the kind of working environment that would help you to thrive at work. At the end of the day if you are consistently taking steps to where you want to be in your career then you will have a successful life.
    Of course you may find that this job you have is not it at all. I think you might benefit from writing up some pros and cons. It is giving you money and structure for example, but it sounds as though there is a lot you donít like about it too.
    Sometimes something about a job can make it worth staying and putting up with the stuff you donít like.
    At the end of the day, it is okay if this job is not right for you. Be kind to yourself always. Self compassion can go a long way. So take care of yourself and let us know how you go!
    Alice

  8. #108
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    Yeah I think I made a mistake applying for this job to be honest, I should of known I would struggle in customer service but I thought it seems quieter in this casino as thereís not always a lot of customers but what I have found out is even when thereís not customers you have to always chat with the staff and I donít like that, Iím more of a loner, Iíd rather do a job where Iím left to it.

  9. #109
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    Hi Thisisme,
    Is learning to be more social valuable to you? Do you really want to spend your life spending time alone?
    Listen, the most important thing is that you have quit cannabis. And it is a baby quit, but I do feel that you will continue to grow as a person now that you have achieved this very important first step into making your life better.

    You have this opportunity NOW. As I recall you were worried about getting a job at all, but these people gave you a chance. Realistically, you can get another job, but if you quit this one, you might be less likely to try again.

    That is why I think it is important to follow things through. It helps your mind to learn that it is okay to be uncomfortable and it is okay to be wrong, and it is OKAY to fail. If you are moving TOWARDS what is important to you then you will always be rewarded with a successful life.
    A job such as this, IS a first step towards a better life, because it is a job, and it is a first step towards a better job.

    Take care and let us know how you are going!
    Alice :-)

  10. #110
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    Well I left the job as I was absolutely hating it so bad, I was dreading each shift, my anxiety was through the roof.
    Iím gonna be claiming benefits again as Iíve got a note for anxiety from the doctor, having to sort all the claim is stressful but I really was not liking that job and how uncomfortable I felt.

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