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Thread: Help with cranky quitting husband

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
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    Default Help with cranky quitting husband

    Hi I just wondered if you can give me some advice please. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and my husband has quit smoking, it's been a week now. I didn't love him smoking previously as he tends to forget that I exist and he's always craving it, but now we're having a baby it's not an option for him to continue.

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    Previously he's been spectacularly unsupportive while high, unreliable and very selfish, I would rather be a single mum than have this when baby comes. For example when I had shingles the hospital told me that if it goes into my eye I have to go to the hospital as it can cause blindness. My eye swelled shut and the rash spread onto my eyelid, I was worried so I asked him to take me to hospital. He was annoyed that I'd asked him and didn't want to take me because he'd been looking forward to getting high in the evening. I had to practically beg him to take me, I couldn't drive as I was really quite ill. I could give you a hundred examples of similar behaviour but I don't want to slag him off, just show that I'm not being unreasonable. He's not a bad person as such, just very addicted.

    So now he's quit for a week but he is very very horrible to be around. He's mean and moody and irritable and blames me for everything. I just wondered if anyone knows how long this will last for? He was smoking for over 15 years. I try not to be around him as much as possible as I'm constantly walking on eggshells and he just exudes negativity and anger. I have been working 12 hour days at least a few days a week (I usually work 6 days a week) as I'm self employed and need to earn as much money as possible before baby comes. I'm really tired though. I'm booking a long weekend away next weekend and am thinking of asking him if he minds if I go alone instead as I don't want there to be lots of tension. I feel like I have to look after myself, I only started getting ill after we got married because of the stress.

    Any advice much appreciated. I can't talk to friends or family really as don't want them to judge him. Thank you.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    582

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    Hi there Happysoul,

    I am sorry that you have to deal with this, especially being pregnant. It sounds like the cannabis brings out an incredibly selfish attitude in your husband. I hope that he sticks with the quit, but in my experience, quitting for someone else (you and the baby), is not as effective as quitting for his own reasons.

    In terms of how long it will take, I think that everyone is different. Some medical professionals I know say to set a date of six weeks quit to get a better idea of what life is like without cannabis. I definitely noticed that things started to normalise around the six week mark.

    I really feel for you, because it must be so challenging for you at the moment. One psychologist that I follow suggested that it is impossible to do work on your relationship if one of you is an addict, and that needs to be addressed first, because it is almost like there is a third person in the relationship.

    Would your husband be open to counselling or some kind of support? I know it is a long shot but I had to ask.

    Good luck and let us know how you are going.
    Alice

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