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Thread: Help with cranky quitting husband

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
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    Default Help with cranky quitting husband

    Hi I just wondered if you can give me some advice please. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and my husband has quit smoking, it's been a week now. I didn't love him smoking previously as he tends to forget that I exist and he's always craving it, but now we're having a baby it's not an option for him to continue.

    Previously he's been spectacularly unsupportive while high, unreliable and very selfish, I would rather be a single mum than have this when baby comes. For example when I had shingles the hospital told me that if it goes into my eye I have to go to the hospital as it can cause blindness. My eye swelled shut and the rash spread onto my eyelid, I was worried so I asked him to take me to hospital. He was annoyed that I'd asked him and didn't want to take me because he'd been looking forward to getting high in the evening. I had to practically beg him to take me, I couldn't drive as I was really quite ill. I could give you a hundred examples of similar behaviour but I don't want to slag him off, just show that I'm not being unreasonable. He's not a bad person as such, just very addicted.

    So now he's quit for a week but he is very very horrible to be around. He's mean and moody and irritable and blames me for everything. I just wondered if anyone knows how long this will last for? He was smoking for over 15 years. I try not to be around him as much as possible as I'm constantly walking on eggshells and he just exudes negativity and anger. I have been working 12 hour days at least a few days a week (I usually work 6 days a week) as I'm self employed and need to earn as much money as possible before baby comes. I'm really tired though. I'm booking a long weekend away next weekend and am thinking of asking him if he minds if I go alone instead as I don't want there to be lots of tension. I feel like I have to look after myself, I only started getting ill after we got married because of the stress.

    Any advice much appreciated. I can't talk to friends or family really as don't want them to judge him. Thank you.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
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    Hi there Happysoul,

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    I am sorry that you have to deal with this, especially being pregnant. It sounds like the cannabis brings out an incredibly selfish attitude in your husband. I hope that he sticks with the quit, but in my experience, quitting for someone else (you and the baby), is not as effective as quitting for his own reasons.

    In terms of how long it will take, I think that everyone is different. Some medical professionals I know say to set a date of six weeks quit to get a better idea of what life is like without cannabis. I definitely noticed that things started to normalise around the six week mark.

    I really feel for you, because it must be so challenging for you at the moment. One psychologist that I follow suggested that it is impossible to do work on your relationship if one of you is an addict, and that needs to be addressed first, because it is almost like there is a third person in the relationship.

    Would your husband be open to counselling or some kind of support? I know it is a long shot but I had to ask.

    Good luck and let us know how you are going.
    Alice

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happysoul View Post
    Hi I just wondered if you can give me some advice please. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and my husband has quit smoking, it's been a week now. I didn't love him smoking previously as he tends to forget that I exist and he's always craving it, but now we're having a baby it's not an option for him to continue.

    Previously he's been spectacularly unsupportive while high, unreliable and very selfish, I would rather be a single mum than have this when baby comes. For example when I had shingles the hospital told me that if it goes into my eye I have to go to the hospital as it can cause blindness. My eye swelled shut and the rash spread onto my eyelid, I was worried so I asked him to take me to hospital. He was annoyed that I'd asked him and didn't want to take me because he'd been looking forward to getting high in the evening. I had to practically beg him to take me, I couldn't drive as I was really quite ill. I could give you a hundred examples of similar behaviour but I don't want to slag him off, just show that I'm not being unreasonable. He's not a bad person as such, just very addicted.

    So now he's quit for a week but he is very very horrible to be around. He's mean and moody and irritable and blames me for everything. I just wondered if anyone knows how long this will last for? He was smoking for over 15 years. I try not to be around him as much as possible as I'm constantly walking on eggshells and he just exudes negativity and anger. I have been working 12 hour days at least a few days a week (I usually work 6 days a week) as I'm self employed and need to earn as much money as possible before baby comes. I'm really tired though. I'm booking a long weekend away next weekend and am thinking of asking him if he minds if I go alone instead as I don't want there to be lots of tension. I feel like I have to look after myself, I only started getting ill after we got married because of the stress.

    Any advice much appreciated. I can't talk to friends or family really as don't want them to judge him. Thank you.
    Perhaps you can stay with family because both you and your child are at risk for stress and so forth. Withdrawal symptoms will get worse. Rage will get worse. And it may take many many many months for the worse to be over. Your husband is suffering and he will transfer all that to whoever is nearby. If you value your marriage and the health of yourself and your baby, then you have to take proactive measures to protect and isolate yourself. If your husband is not supportive of that now, then he's a selfish person. You do not want to judge him because you are the better person. However, as a wife and pregnant, you do indeed have the right to judge his conduct and selfishness and potential abuse and violence because it effects you directly. He is indeed an addict, and may always be, and an irresponsible loser. Perhaps lives off of your earnings. He has been that way for 15 years and you have compromised your life. At what point will you continue to do so? Suggest you give an ultimatum. Give you the love and peace and protection and kindness you and your child deserve or take a hike. At this point it is your responsibility and obligation to your unborn child to give that child the best life that he or she can have. And, not be born into a potentially abusive situation.
    Best wishes.
    Retired.
    Last edited by retired; 10-18-2017 at 11:54 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    UK
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    1,989

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    Yes first and foremost you have to make sure you are safe and I guess only you can be the judge of that, as far as the amount of time again I wish we could give more definitive answers I would say the 6 week mark is certainly the point where most are over the hump but sometimes the are longer lingering effects which can take months, especially when it comes to mood and getting back that zest for life.

    He will probably be more or less ok after about a month or two but sometimes to get that full back to normal can take a few depending on the individual. I have known people even report it being up to 6 or more but that is fairly rare I think. It's just such a complex thing when it comes to mood and the neuro chemistry it can involve as we can all be so unique.

    Stay safe and all the best,
    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're not a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 12 years, because I Chose to be free from it's Control on me!

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