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Thread: Bills cannabis abuse story

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Missouri
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    Default Bills cannabis abuse story

    Hi, I found this site last night while researching why I was feeling depressed and having anxiety after trying to stop using cannabis and found it very helpful to hear from other people experiencing the same things.

    So here is my story:

    I am 46 and first smoked cannabis at age 8 with my older sisters but only did it a few times until I was 14 then I started smoking it regularly like everyday. I smoked it all thru high school and college and have progressively smoked more and more thru the years and 3 years ago started smoking oil/dabs mainly way more than buds. It then progressed into 3 big dabs when I woke up, 3 big dabs when I got home from work and several more thru the evening until I went to sleep and repeated that every day and sometimes even smoking pinch hits on the way to and from work. I also had dab binges where my friends would come over and we would smoke 20-30 dabs in an evening of hanging out. So I have been abusing it pretty good for a long time around 32 years.

    I quit cold turkey about two months ago (Oct. 9th) because my new girlfriend said she thought I was more outgoing when I wasn't high and she was quitting cigarettes so I thought hey why not take a break to show her I could and then I went for 30 days with no problem and then after 30 days I smoked two pinch hits on a Saturday and felt alright but then the next day on Sunday I did 2 big dabs and did not enjoy it at all, way too intense and the thoughts pouring thru my head did not feel good. Over the next few weeks I smoked a few pinch hits 3 times while I was drinking a little beer. I was thinking that I would just smoke socially and maybe on the weekends and not smoke heavy every day like I had been.

    Then last week I started to suffer from depression which I never had before and felt like crying and then this week I have had anxiety. I also have been having vivid dreams and some nightmare dreams and problems sleeping. I never thought of cannabis as addicting and never thought I would be going thru how I am feeling as I've done plenty of coke and crack in the past like 15 years ago and never been addicted to anything so I don't think I have the addiction gene as they call it. Although both my father and grandfather were alcoholics so maybe I do a little but didn't realize it.

    I think my real problems started before I quit like earlier this year as I was having explosive anger issues at work and towards my wife at home.
    And then during the first 30 days after quitting cold turkey in Oct. I started having problems in the bedroom which never happened before I quit using cannabis and that freaked me out a lot and I started researching online a lot about the issues I've been having which is how I stumbled across this site. I found several other sites which seem to confirm the bedroom issue as a known issue.

    I know some of my depression is coming from the fact that my father passed away on Dec. 19, 11 years ago next week and this past July my wife passed away suddenly from surgery after being together with her for 24 years so I have some psychological issues going on already in my head combined with what seems to be with drawls from the cannabis nothing seems to make me happy and nothing I used to enjoy is enjoyable right now and as I said I feel like I could cry at any moment. I also feel like I have no purpose other than I do have a new girlfriend and she is the only thing in my life that makes me happy right now and she is very supportive.

    Last night I smoked one pinch hit hoping to knock back the anxiety which it didn't and is when I came across this website and now I am feeling like my brain is suffering from the many years of cannabis abuse and I want to stop for good as I don't want to feel like this anymore.

    So here I am back at day one without using cannabis, it wasn't too bad today but still feeling depressed mixed with anxiety.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    Anyway thanks for reading my story, I'll try to update it as I try to make it thru this.

    Bill

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,012

    Default

    Hi Bill,

    As I was reading your post, it made me think about how we humans are quite vulnerable in some ways. We are not machines.

    Thinking about the effect that cannabis has on your mood, and your thought patterns, especially when you have abstained for a while, and your brain gets flooded with all those thoughts, you can observe how strong the effect of cannabis is. Think about all those cannabinoid receptors in your brain. They are like gates and they request to be filled with dopamine. If you don't give it to them, they go into shock and that is where the withdrawal effects come from.

    The thing is that when you quit, those dopamine receptors gradually die off, or close, and that is when you start to feel much better. The thing is that right now you are neither quit, nor smoking. You are sitting on the fence getting splinters. You quit, then you went back to it, and that can be the hardest time if you ask me. Because our brain's neurochemistry is quite delicate, and flooding your brain with an addictive substance such as cannabis is going to have a pretty serious effect.

    I think that is why this anxiety and depression is cropping up now to bite you on the butt. In my experience, our brains do better when they can adjust to one state or the other - smoking or not smoking, not flip flopping backwards and forwards.

    The good news is that our brains can heal very effectively. There is a lot of research about the 'plasticity' of our brains that suggests that even people with debilitating diseases can build new neural networks and get more function out of their brains using brain exercises and surprisingly exercise.

    I understand that it is hard to be going through this right now, but I hope that you will find a new kind of happy normal when you decide whether you want to be a smoker or not, and give your brain a chance to heal. It is very sophisticated, but it is also delicate.

    Would love to know how you are going, so please come back and keep us posted. I think your story will help many people!

    Cheers,
    Alice

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