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Thread: My weed story and why and how do I quit.

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
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    I'm kind of glad to be back. Embarrased, but glad.

    I will try, but whether I meet positive people or not, it is my own choice and my own duty towards myself to build myself up again. If it's hard, it will only prove that I am strong enough. I like that. I like knowing that in the end, I'm in control.

    In regards to drugs, you might probably be surprised by how many people have tried meth and other hardcore drugs and never got addicted. I think the stories you heard might be overstating facts. When I tried meth I was already sufficiently addicted to weed, so that might have helped. I also tried plenty others, including heroin. I have a strong belief that microdosing many drugs can help people with psychological problems. MDMA for example had great effects on depression in the longrun (seriously i used to be so pathetic and sad, mdma helped me open myself). LSD was amazing out-of-this-world experience, being separated from your body and seeing your body as sort of a shell for the conciousness you actually are (i was wondering why the hell am i human and not something completely different, where is the boundary to counciousness as humans experience it) was amazing, even though it was very frightnening at parts. Not so sure about helpful effects of drugs such as meth, speed and amphetamine related drugs as they are pretty much sort of activity drugs. But I'm sure that it helped me explore myself and the world around me.

    The greatest drug (by which I mean intense flow of chemicals stimulating our moods and behavior) I've ever 'had' is love. Nothing ever affected me as much as feelings for other people, and a particular person. Heroin was extremely intense, sure, but it doesn't even closely compare to long-term effects of loving someone. It's also really hard to abstain from it. In that way of thinking, most people had the hardest drug there is.

    Be sure to share your art. An honest, personal piece of artwork is thousand times more valuable than an emotionally bland but technically well-done one, in my opinion.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)


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  2. #12
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    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
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    I guess the embarrassment is likely to fade, especially if you breathe into it, but maybe coming back will be influential in your personal growth. I hope so!

    I am very impressed with the music on your Soundcloud page. I am listening to the Carl Sagan Disco track right now. Did you make the music for this? It is really nice. And I love the strategy of putting Carl's voice over the music. It is really amazingly good!

    I wish that I could make something as good as this. Lately, I have been playing around with software to make music, but I need to do it more.

    It is a bit of a weird vibe for the middle of the day at work to be sure. Maybe I will listen to the rest of your music later on in the evening.

    Talk soon,
    Alice

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Sault Ste Marie Ontario
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    Mr Juan! Welcome back! Awesome that you decided to stick around. One challenge at a time buddy, and you coming back is a really good thing. I regret telling you how to communicate, you can talk about whatever you want man. If it offends me, that's my problem.I will let you know about it... but its still my choice on how I react, so I will be more conscious of that in the future. Please feel free to express yourself/vent and ask for help if you need it.

    Moving forward I wish you all the best of luck on your journey and I'm rooting for you. You abstaining from mind altering substances is a really good start understanding and dealing with your thoughts and feelings, its the logical next step. We were created the way we are,... some of us are different, with a different set of challenges... I have a boy who's slightly autistic but I think he's magic and I try to see the world and be more like him everyday. I believe we have what we need inside of us to feel at peace without invasive influence from the outside, but thats just my humble opinion, but whats the harm in trying right? Right on staying smoke free, the best is yet to come!

    ps. I had your tunes playing in the background writing this...

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
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    One challenge at a time is true.

    I have a problem with this girl I was talking about in Alices thread. Yesterday I behaved very dramatically on chat with her and I think I might have pushed her off further than ever before. As a result I didn't sleep at all, spent the night watching messenger if she writes back, resulting in throwing some more dramatic lines as I fell deeper into depressions. I'm at work, I have a full plate of stuff to do and I can't make myself pick up a pen. Worst of it, I work as a commercial illustrator and my work requires certain mental health to be able to perform. I kinda wish I had a warehouse job right now.

    Thank you guys for the great support you're providing.

    Ironically, all of this makes me even less motivated to smoke. I know if I had smoked weed it would just be extreme anxiousness and cigarettes would make me feel bad anyway. I tried exercising, but it doesn't let go of these feelings. It's so frustrating that whenever I do something shitty, I realize it, fall into depression and in spite I do something even worse.

    The music on my SC is all custom made, some of the sounds are synthesized using virtual sound synthesis (you have a bright bzzzzz electronic sound at the begining and you make it into something that sounds decent). If you're into trying and making music Alice, I can give you some hints if you'd like. I'm assuming you're playing around with Fruity Loops? That one is easy to get into and is more welcoming for beginners.

  5. #15
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    Jul 2015
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    Melbourne, Australia
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    Hi Juan,

    I know that it can be hard when something dramatic happens in a relationship, and leaves you reeling. Did writing it out make you feel any better? It is hard but the real skill lies in being able to put your feelings to one side (defusion), and concentrating on what you have to do today.

    There are a few tactics for doing this. Every time your mind comes back to this girl, or the nasty situation, you can say in your mind 'thanks mind, this is the disaster story' or 'I am having the thought that . . . X'. It just helps to give you a bit of space from your thoughts, and this allows you to concentrate on what is important right now - your work.

    It is understandable that you are feeling a bit unbalanced right now, as you are quitting both cigarettes and cannabis, and this is a huge deal in terms of your neurology. It is a good thing to do, and with time, you will feel so much more emotionally balanced, but the withdrawal can leave you more irritable, or more emotionally raw than normal. Be kind to yourself and try to cut yourself some flack at work.

    Could you go out for lunch and spend half an hour doodling along in a cafe? That might reset your afternoon.

    As for the girl, there is absolutely nothing you can do about this. You can't control this situation, so there is really no point hooking up on thoughts about it. They are just unhelpful and they are not going to help you, or the relationship. Leaves floating down a stream.

    Good luck and let us know how you are going.
    Alice

  6. #16
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    Jul 2015
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    Melbourne, Australia
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    PS. Thanks for the info regarding your music. I would definitely like some tips in the realm of making music. I made a song with Garage Band (iMac) a little while ago, which was actually a big step forward. I will check out Fruit Loops. If I can turn off the music I am listening to long enough to actually tinker with a tune.

    Thanks for the recommendation I appreciate it!

    It is great to hear that your music is all original. I think it is really good! Congrats

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Posts
    69

    Default Day 8 abstinence

    Thanks Alice for all the advice, the girl eventually called me on phone and we had a nice talk, actually. I feel kind of balanced in regards to that. I know I need to get rid of her eventually, but getting rid of weed, cigarettes, drugs (i never really got addicted but i felt as if they were also messing with my inner balance too much) and her at the same might just be too much at once.

    The temptations are getting harder. I find myself looking for excuses and imagining that if I had smoked a joint now, it wouldn't be as bad as it used to be when I smoked everyday. Which, in reality it probably wouldn't, I might even enjoy it, true, but I'm on a good run and I don't want to disappoint myself. I like the thought of disappointment because I know that if I had smoked it would probably crawl back into my head and I wouldn't enjoy it as much as I'd like to. In the end, I was smoking chronically and damn do I want to live without dementia and lung cancer.

    I find it hard since at work (I work in a creative agency, commercial illustration) most people smoke both cigarettes and weed and most of them smoke during the evening. Today I was very tempted to take a hit with them. I have yet some work to do and these goddamn jocks are currently smoking a third joint, filling the office with the smell. Smell fine tho. But I don't want to be the prudent guy who ruins their high, even though I'm doing it by just not smoking and trying to focus on my work, kind of.

    I want to go home, work out and watch a movie and go to sleep, get rid of these urges, but I suppose it's always good to see how well can I withstand pressure.

    I just feel an urge to stimulate my mood. Like this isn't enough. I know it will get better though.

  8. #18
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    3 hours overtime on friday trying to be creative and abstain while everyone around smokes weed makes juan a dull boy.

  9. #19
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    Jan 2018
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    I need a normal job lol.

  10. #20
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    Jan 2018
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    Im going to vent because I've just got home and this feels like the only way to stop myself from smoking. I'm trying to remember how long have I actually smoked for. I like to overdraw it for drama (perhaps you noticed I tend to be a little too dramatic, too much for my own good). So most precisely, it's something around 10 years, with very slight breaks (the longest break was I think, accurately, 4-5 months). I began smoking heavy when I was around 16 -- *my mind goes onto regret and pity and stuff aaand nope nope*

    Hold on- is it good to think about this? Maybe consider it but I think I'm overanalyzing and it's making me fall into depression again. Boy am I fighting urges. I'm gonna go take a walk, perhaps that will cool me down.

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