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Thread: My weed story and why and how do I quit.

  1. #21
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    hi Juan,

    How did you go? How did writing out your thoughts help? I have had moments that you are describing before, and I found that writing it out often gave me just enough distance from the urges to get through them. To be honest, I think you just need to get to bed time and you will feel a lot better tomorrow.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    In terms of the urges, I have heard that 'this urge will pass, whether I smoke or not'. You have some very good reasons to want to quit, and it sounds like it had a negative effect on your life. Those long term consequences might be the thought that you hold on to stop you.

    The thought that I always use to stop me is that 'it is never just one smoke'. It is pretty much impossible to go back to casual smoking, so if you smoke tonight, you are signing up for months or years of being lost in that cloud. You are signing up for life.

    I know it is hard when the people around you are smoking. Kasper talks about the same thing. It might be good to chat to him about this a bit. It sounds like you have some seriously good skills, so maybe it is just a case of finding a similar job in a different company (without the drug culture)?

    Those urges are waves, and they do pass. Let us know how you go.

    cheers,
    Alice

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  2. #22
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    Jan 2018
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    I went to a techno party. Well, I'm here still, and it's amazing, so many friends and such an exciting atmosphere. I broke my tobacco abstinence ( 6 or 7 cigs, not too bad i think), I drank about 10 shots of vodka, not sure really, plenty of ClubMate. I had some Mdma. But... somehow.. i dont want to smoke weed. I still see how much it could hurt me. Even tho I'm high on M and drunk as hell. I'm loving this. I have several things to tell when I sober up. Mainly in regards to dreams I've had. It's all so intense now. And it was so foggy before. I will be posting again in a couple hours.

  3. #23
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    Enjoy your evening Talk to you soon.

    Stay strong!!

  4. #24
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    Default Day 11 - my dreams

    Thank you Alice, I indeed did enjoy it. The hangover was something though.

    I was used to smoking joints everytime I was hangover and it made it much easier to bare, but this was pretty intense. I basically spent the whole day eating something (i was sick, but still very hungry), and luckily my head didnt hurt, even though the club was full of smoke. We had a crisis situation at work because one of our illustrators got in a car accident in the morning (dw nothing too bad, no fractures, hes home and resting) and I had to fill in for him while completely clueless and out-of-space. I did manage to work out something (the client said it looks bad, but not as bad to not take it ) and as soon as I got home I just watched a movie and went to sleep.
    I must say, while at the club, I felt so much more social. When I smoked, I used to be very asocial and I had little motivation to speak to people even while at a club with them. I came close to drug overdose few times just intending to be more talkative and engaged, but since I smoked a lot of weed, I think I just ended up sitting somewhere being quiet. This was very different, I took a small dose of mdma, got really drunk and was very social, I wanted to talk to people constantly, felt very active.

    Before that, on friday. I had a couple of very, very vivid dreams. I mean I haven't had such dreams in years. The two dreams were kind of bad, not nightmares, but they did trouble me.

    The last one though.

    I dreamt that me and a couple friends were hiking around a town where I study and discovered a village hidden in a valley. It was a classic czech village, but had no streets, there was grass everywhere. We were all amazed at how beautiful it looked and couldn't believe we didn't come across it sooner, that it was here all this time. I remember loosing a couple friends as we went through it and looked at different stuff in the village. There were villagers, adults and old people sleeping and napping all around. There was a man with a woman, sleeping on a pond, on water, right next to a sluice. The woman was hugging the man and they had those large fluffy duvets, and were both dry. The man had his arm down the sluice, but there was no fear of him falling down, somehow it felt good that they are right next to the sluice. And then there was an old man, sleeping in a chair next to his cottage, he had a table right next to him. At that point, all my friends had gone somewhere and it was just me and my brother. On the table was a plate with a bunch of dead bees, you know when insects die in a window and dry out to be all grey, that is how they looked. My brother came up to the man napping in the chair and blew air in his face as to wake him up, the man calmly woke up, looking sort of clueless and my brother blew air onto the plate with the dead bees. The bees became alive and flew away. I remember being scared that they would sting the man, but they just flew around him and into the air. The dream ended there.

    When I woke up, I remember the dream perfectly, there were more scenes I'm not describing. But this last scene with the bees, when I thought of it I started crying and couldn't stop. It wasn't a sad feeling though, it was some weird melancholy feeling, like I was enjoying the crying. Even now thinking about it makes me feel very tender inside.

    I will paint out the scenes, but I want to spend more time on the paintings, particularly capturing the bee moment. So far I've just speedpainted a view of the village when we came across it https://i.imgur.com/U5DJdLp.jpg

    All of this is very motivating for me not to smoke weed. It feels like the fog is dissapearing, slowly. Like some floodgates are opening. I know that after some time, this may calm down and I might get cravings again and the fight might actually be harder then. But until then, I'm glad that it's somehow made easy for me.

  5. #25
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    Hi Juan,

    Firstly, may I say that your painting is BEAUTIFUL. You are very talented. It reminds me of all the power of art to convey something rich and meaningful. I love it.

    I also think that you have very interesting dreams, and I think is cool that you are so moved by those bees. I hope you will paint some more of those scenes. So interesting.

    I remember well what it felt like when my mind started to open the doors to creativity beyond cannabis use. I am so happy for you.

    It is also great that you went out and got loose without smoking cannabis. It sounds like you may have really made your decision, and I hope that the more you reinforce that decision by repeatedly abstaining, the stronger the decision will get, until you will be faced with a solid fact. 'I don't smoke'.

    I hope you have a great week!

    Cheers,
    Alice

  6. #26
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    Thank you Alice, I always appreciate such compliments, they feel very warm. Do post some of your work though! I'm interested and art therapy is such an underrated effort!

    I'm kinda scared that it's all so intense now, I hope I'm not being too dramatic about it or overstating myself. But perhaps I should listen to Alan Watts more and I shouldn't overthink or overanalyze it!

    Also since I went from the party, no cigs again. Feels good not to crave them every morning!

  7. #27
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    Hi Juan,

    I think intense can be good when you are quitting something. It never ceases to amaze me that every time I quit something (caffeine included), I get this sense that I am really getting the raw and unadulterated version of life. It is a good feeling, so I think you are right. Enjoy it, and don't overthink it.

    I am so glad that you are back on the no cigs train. Awful things. Nothing good about them in my opinion!

    I will try to post some artwork in my journal. I am the sort of person who likes to consider things carefully, and I get the sense that this could blow my cover, so I want to be sure about it. It does feel like art is made to be shared. And yes, it can be so therapeutic.

    Cheers,
    Alice

  8. #28
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    Lol, I make it sound so mysterious, hehe. It is really nothing like that. I have just been burned in the past from sharing a link to my website. It attracts the wrong kind of person, I find.

  9. #29
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    People are extremely harsh when it comes to art, because everyones an expert you know. It doesn't have black on white mathematical rules, so everyone keeps assuming it's easy to judge. And it some ways, it is, because it really comes down to what you think is 'pretty' or more so 'entertaining'. BUT, and take it from me as an expert (masters of arts and it really irritates me when people consider themselves experts on the subject), to me, no amount of technical skill equals an honest expression. I've dealt with many people drawing tons of hyperrealistic anime girls for loads of money, but that just seems like whoring out to an extent.

    Well, not to start a rant here! I absolutely understand what you mean by blowing your cover, but be not afraid, I try and take all art for what it is and not for what it could be (if the person spent years practicing it).
    When it comes to sharing my own stuff with people that have decades of experiences painting, I usually feel as scared, because whatever their technical skill level is, they still might be dicks!

  10. #30
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    That is interesting Juan, thanks for sharing your perspective. I noticed that on the painting you shared, there was no mention of your name or pseudonym or anything to link the painting to you. How do you feel about someone ripping you off?

    I think you are right that everyone thinks they are an expert. I guess the most important part is the enjoyment that the artist gets from making the work. And the process of technical improvement.

    Here is the artwork that I wanted to show you: https://imgur.com/a/vo9di

    Cheers,
    Alice

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