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Thread: My weed story and why and how do I quit.

  1. #41
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    Jul 2015
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    Hey Juan,

    How was your weekend? How did you go with alcohol / cigarettes / weed?

    It is good that you are surrounded by good company and don't forget where your values lie. I can hear that what is important to you is socialising with your friends, and you should still be able to do that. I remember my psychologist telling me about when she gave up smoking, she still went out and chatted to her colleagues on their smoke break. To her, that was what life was about, so she didn't give it up, just because she didn't smoke anymore.

    I hope that as you grow, more people will be non smokers. In my group of friends, I don't know a single smoker! Actually one. The ex of a friend of mine, smoked cigarettes occasionally and had just given up cannabis, but that is pretty much the extent of it! It definitely makes it easier.

    I wish you had more time to paint your dreams too. I would love to see a book of all the paintings of your dreams. You could write stories next to the paintings and give someone the richest, most interesting insight into your world.

    Have a great day / evening / sleep,
    Alice

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  2. #42
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    Jan 2018
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    My weekend was.. well.. I can't really be proud of it but I can't say I'm not happy about how it went.

    We went on a double-date with the girl I got to know, let's call her Ester and her friend, fake name Kriss and boyfriend. From seeing some culture around time we went to a pub, we got from 'we should just get a beer and go home and watch a movie' we got to multiple beers and countless shots of vodka. From there on we went home at 2am and when we got home, we opened a bottle of wine and Krisss boyfriend went: 'well do we have some drugs'. I jokingly concured that it would be fine to have some and Ester suddenly got up, went upstairs and came back with a sack of mdma. Given our self-aware and completely under-control state of being completely wasted we went ahead and all of us had some. Well, a lot. First we talked, then we danced and than we all... well, it was a party if nothing else, we stayed up untill 11am and then we went to sleep with our hearts racing.

    Now experiencing the mdma comedown of serotonin I'm getting partially depressed. Also I feel deprived of cigarettes once again, as Ester smokes a lot and I tend to smoke with her. Had one of the most powerful nightmares yesterday, as I got woken up by a friend because I was apparentaly screaming very loudly during sleep ( in the dream i was trying to call for help but I couldn't make a word so I made weird noises ).

    I feel very impartial as what is actualy a good choice. Ester makes me feel good and it's nice to be close to and intimate with someone, but I'm not sure shes actually a good influence in general, as shes a heavy smoker and likes to drink. I still feel attached to that other girl and I tend to think of her even after I'm with Ester, not necessarily when I'm with Ester. I was supposed to meet that other girl, but she had some health accident and couldn't make it. I'm still very scared for her health, and we did chat about it, she's somewhat fine now, laying at home, but I couldn't see her. I just hopes she gets better.

    Still no weed though. I suppose that's enough... for now...

  3. #43
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    Hey Juan,

    I hope you are having a good weekend?

    I am reading back over your experiences of last weekend with the mdma, and I am thinking that I can't imagine anything I would least rather do, haha, than binge on a sack of mdma. Haha. I probably sound like a prude, and maybe I am. Looking back at my younger years when I would consume ecstasy, all I can remember is being so completely out of control and often, so incredibly paranoid! These are not particularly good memories!

    I am so glad that you have better experiences with your drug use, and hopefully have much better quality stuff than we had. I am remembering some of my neighbours who would habitually use speed and how completely seedy the whole thing was. I am so sorry! I don't know what has got into me today. I respect your choices and I am glad that you are having fun!

    I guess where Ester is concerned, maybe thinking about what the positives are in the relationship are, and also the negatives, and then kind of rationally weighing them up. I wouldn't go out with someone who smoked cigarettes, because I don't want the bad influence in my life, but you might consider that your relationship with Ester is bringing you closer to the life that you want for yourself in other ways? In that case, you can probably ignore the bad influence stuff.

    It is always hard when you are torn between two people in terms of affection, but I hope that your friend gets well soon.

    I think that it is so great that you are staying weed free, even when all this is going on. It shows a great strength of character and I hope that you feel very proud of yourself. I also hope that you reward yourself with some (non-drug) treat, to acknowledge the fact that you have come so far!

    Have a great day!!

  4. #44
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    Jun 2016
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    Wow Juan, sounds like a hell of a party. My party drug days are long gone and like Alice I can't think of anything worse to do of an evening; being mum to a young son I'm more of an 'in bed by 9pm' sort of woman these days and would probably be wasted from two glasses of vino.

    Can see your dilemma with Esther. My first instinct was to say "get rid of her, she's a bad influence" but I think Alice's approach of weighing up pros and cons of the relationship is a better one.

    Depending on how well you know Esther and how able you are to talk to her about it, you could maybe discuss you not getting involved in the drug use side of things in future if that is something you'd prefer. If she's a keeper I honestly believe she'd respect your reasons for not wanting to. That said, I do know how easy it is to get caught up in the moment, especially when already drunk and lacking that self control. It's hard to be around others that are 'having fun' and not participate.

    I still sometimes have the occasional urge to go out and have a wild night, usually triggered by certain music that I haven't listened to in years. Then again, I don't think I could handle a come down these days and the mess it would make of my brain.

    Good luck figuring out things re' Esther and well done for staying strong in the cannabis side of things.

    Xx

  5. #45
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    Jan 2018
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    Default Relapse and smoking...

    Haven't posted in a long time and I feel like I should. Well, I've gone back to smoking cigarettes. Turns out smoking on parties and actually partying twice every week does make my will crumble.

    And I did relapse with weed, though didn't jump back on it. Last weekend we visited a freetekno party and while on drugs, I took a couple hits from a joint. I was like 80 days clean then... What I did didn't hit me untill after the second day when I sobered up and had some cravings for more. Luckily the cravings didn't last long and I haven't jumped back on the weed train, so I'm back on track for 5 days. It was also likely since I was already heavy on drugs and the weed didn't really affect me much.

    Also I'm still with Ester. And her smoking probably makes me more motivated to smoke as well. I like being with her though. Apart from everything else, it's a calm and balanced relationship, something I haven't experienced, well, ever...

    It's undeniable that I'm having fun. Having been invited to play my sets in Ukraine and Poland was a thrill and my music production career seems to be getting on nicely, but the alcohol, drugs and smoking that come with it are very much a downer. My experiences with drugs aren't bad, but when I keep clean for a couple days, I feel some depression and anxiety coming on. I guess that's normal though.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    I feel like I should get some healthy habbits or more likely healthy friends. Doing yoga alone doesn't really reward me much anymore...

  6. #46
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    Hey Juan,

    Great to hear from you! I sometimes wonder how you are doing. I must admit, I had thought that maybe all the partying and smoking cigarettes had landed you back in the habit of cannabis use. It really is amazing to hear that apart from one relapse, you have basically remained true to your goal. I think you should be very proud of yourself for that!

    Your situation reminds me of my brother in a way. He is also a music producer and is always hanging around with other party people and partying. He finds it so hard to give up cigarettes (which he desperately wants to), and cannabis (which doesn't bother him as much). Being around people who smoke makes your quit so much more challenging. Maybe the way through is something that I try to do with my blog, which is to ignore or not pay attention to the noise, the feelings and the urges as though all that was trains going past your house, and staying true to your purpose. I actually find this incredibly difficult and always seem to fall back into the mess, but it might help you. I feel like eventually, I will learn how to do this. Addiction seems to be a process of trying out different behaviours and habits until you find the one that sticks.

    It is so good to hear that your music production career is going well and that you are travelling for your music. That sounds amazing. It is also good to hear that you are finding your relationship with Ester rewarding. A calm, balanced relationship sounds really amazing.

    I think you are right about forming more healthy friends. That makes a difference in my life. If you even started to nurture one group of friends who were health focussed, this could support you to make change or to remain true in your own life. Have you tried Meetup.com? Or could you try some kind of team sport, or go to a public gym?

    I hope you have a great weekend! Stay in touch.
    Alice

  7. #47
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    Jan 2018
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    Yeah, I'm happy that I didn't end up smoking the day after, even though I still have like 6g of weed at home and during the cravings I was very close to rolling another. Also my cannabis use is very much tied to staying home alone and playing videogames while smoking, and since I quit I haven't played a single one. It makes me sad because I can't really enjoy videogames anymore, everytime I turned one on I got bored immidietaly and the solution to that my mind comes to is smoke a joint! I do get bad cravings to spend several days smoking and playing closed off at home, but considering how productive have I become since I don't waste time with videogames anymore, I'm glad that it's this way. I'm thinking it might take months before I'll be able to play a videogame and really enjoy it, also that makes the relapse so much shittier, I just prolonged the time I'll be able to relax while playing. Also just before I quit smoking, I bought a 3000$ PC able to play the most demanding vidya on the market, and I haven't pumped up the graphics card since!!!! Damn it!!!! That makes me frustrated as hell!!

    I'm guessing your brother doesn't smoke weed every day, which to me, if that's the case, makes smoking 'doable'. Partying environments are really hardcore if you want to stay clean, probably the worst in such sense, especially since if you want to stay included and up to date, you sort of 'have to' go out every week... You do meet all kinds of people and this environment being very liberal and open in social and political sense, I feel motivated to stay in. I'll be trying to slowly make my way and become one of those straight edge people, but it feels like I should mainly stay on track with weed and the rest can come later.

    I'm too shy to go to public gyms But yeah, I have a couple friends that do out hiking and riding on bikes pretty often, I just haven't really talked to them in some time.

    Thanks for all the motivation Alice, looking forward to coming here again!

  8. #48
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    Hi Juan,

    I remember the 'day after' the relapse. It is killer. If you can get through it though, you can put it behind you. Sunshine did!

    As for the 6g that is in your house, some people would say that you should chuck it, forthwith. As for me. I still have a bit of a stash in my bedside drawer, but I never think of it, unless someone else mentions something like this. It was HARD having that stash at around the three month mark when I was climbing the walls. I was so close to caving, but I didn't in the end. And then it was roses.

    I think that those kinds of activities that we used to enjoy while high do come back. I used to love dancing. I love it more now. With this intense pleasure for the creativity involved, but starting a dance session is not as spontaneous as it used to be. I think that when we quit smoking we actually can let go a lot of the pastimes that were as you say 'wasting time'. To some extent anyway. I think you will get back into it eventually.

    I am not sure whether my brother smokes weed every day, but I would suggest that for most people it is a slippery slope and once it becomes a habit, it can get quite ingrained. I started off fairly occasionally myself, but I honestly think that weed has a way of creeping in, like any drug, for most people, eventually. I hope that smoking is doable for him, but I am not really sure. It certainly doesn't affect him in the intensely negative way that it affects me.

    It is nice to meet liberal and open people, I agree and maybe it will be easier to stay clean as you get older. I hope that you will be able to stay off weed, and as you say the rest will follow. If being 'straight edge' is important to you, it will come.

    Talk to your exercise friendly friends!! It might be just the kind of dynamic which helps you to stay the course, and good luck!

    How is work going?

    Talk to you soon
    Alice

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