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Thread: Really need some reassurance

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    6

    Default Really need some reassurance

    Hi Guys

    Firstly I'd like to say thank you so much to the admins on this board, for your continued support and passion for the people out there that are struggling. I've seen some of your posts and help dating back years now, it's incredible! You are all doing an admirable and amazing job and I am so thankful for all your help and contributions to other people, even after abstaining and conquering this issue yourself.

    I would just like some reassurance as it feels like I am going crazy! I'm no stranger to withdrawal, as I've experienced advanced stage alcohol withdrawal on 2 different occasions many years ago. But this marijuana withdrawal seems like a whole different ball game in itself. It's definitely not as fierce/intense as the alcohol withdrawal, that was next level torture but in totally different ways lol but cannabis WD definitely got it's own unique set of nasty's that are incredibly hard to deal with. Another thing is, it seems to be lasting so long that I can't quite believe what a struggle it actually is, it's crazy! It's psychologically by the the 'weirdest' and confusing thing I've ever experienced in my life! Which is why I'm here as at just feels like it's too much to handle mentally for me personally at times.

    My smoking history : about 2 gram a day on average (smoking morning till night) for about 11 month solid, 14 months in total; where I went for my first 3 month just smoking a joint or two on an evening. I never smoked before this, I just tried it on a couple of different occasions. If I'm totally honest, as far as the effects...cannabis was never my first choice of drug but I have an incredibly addictive personality. This combined with the fact (repeatedly told by others) that I didn't think a withdrawal syndrome existed prompted me to start using more and more as I did enjoy the relaxation it gave me and the creative edge that came with it. I was thrilled I had found something that had nice effects that I didn't have to worry about severe withdrawals with. Boy was I wrong...lol oh and I'm 33 years old.

    When my withdrawal started I didn't have a clue what was happening, as like I said I didn't know it existed. I cut down massively around the new year and started to feel horrible and pretty much mentally ill out of nowhere. Before this (throughout last year) I was happy go-lucky with not really any problems to speak of. Because I had no idea of this, I kept smoking the occasional joint but It just seemed to make me feel worse. After a week or so I started to think to myself 'man this feels similar to when I was in alcohol WD PAWS all those years ago, I wonder if it's anything to do with the weed?'..which then lead to a google search and low and behold I started reading many of the symptoms I was experiencing. I must admit there was some what of a relief when I discovered this.

    I am currently on day 23 clean and I'm starting to panic, as before I found this board, it stated on medical websites that withdrawal symptoms usually last around 2 week! As I sailed past the 2 week mark I noticed I was not really improving and this was extremely unsettling. My first 2 weeks were a complete horror. Extreme anxiety, deep depression, foggy head, diarrhoea, irritability, extreme memory issues, zero appetite and bizarre sleep disturbances. But by far the worst symptom was depersonalization with OCD concerning my external reality. I became obsessed with the nature of reality all of a sudden and couldn't stop thinking about it, to the point where things seemed incredibly unreal and confusing. Also I'd like to add, I've had literally no cravings at least, this whole process has made me shudder at the meer thought of smoking weed again, I don't want anything to do with it.

    So I would just like to ask if anyone can relate to these symptoms as I haven't seen that many people mention them on the threads that I have read? I've been wanting to post here for a few week now but due to feeling so horrible and not being able to concentrate on the simplest thing, I simply couldn't. But I got incredible comfort from simply reading the threads continuously. I've not been able to work so far either due to these extreme effects. Luckily I have my own business so my partner has taken the reigns until I get better. It was too hard to concentrate on something when I was so light headed and 'nothing felt real'.

    So here I am on day 23. I'm really confused because of the length these feelings have lasted and the unbelievably slow process at which they seem to be 'progressing' at. I am not as anxious now as the first two week, I can finally sit down and string my thoughts together and things do now seem a bit more 'real' than before; though like I said this is a symptom that keeps persisting and it's the main thing that gets me down. I sometimes get spells of clarity but they're unfortunately short lived, it's so hard it feels like ground hog day every day!! Even when this happens it still 'feels' like I can feel that my body still has THC in it and that it's effecting everything in my body/mind. I don't yet feel like going to the gym, the thought of it kinda freaks me out still at the moment but I'm sure I'l get round to it eventually, but I'm trying to be kind to myself and not force anything on myself too hard when I'm too uncomfortable. I have however been exercising quite a lot and walk around 2-3 miles per day and do some jogging around the block on a night. My sleep has gradually improved and the night sweats were worse in the first week, but every now and then I'l have them even now. I had them last night but not the two previous nights before!

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    This is another problem that I hope someone may be able to shed some light on. My moments of clarity seem to come when I've not done much in the day and I've had a good feed. However, nearly every time I go for my (more intense) evening jog, about 20 mins after I've finished the worst of the withdrawal symptoms seem to flood back to me! It's like I can feel it taking over my body again. It keeps happening every time. I've heard mixed opinions on whether THC gets released back into your body from your fat stores. But in my experience It certainly seems plausible. It creates a catch-22 situation for me because I know how beneficial exercise is for the body/mind particularly in a withdrawal/detox process. I also theorise that if it's indeed the case that it's happening, it's probably a good thing as it's releasing toxins and getting rid of them; hense the weird feelings after exercising. The problem is it puts me off exercising because I know what inevitably will follow after doing so. At times It seems like I've been transported back to day 10 again I also have moments where I question weather I'm still in withdrawal or I'm just making myself feel like I do through negative thinking and dwelling on things. It's extremely confusing! Again, can anyone relate to that? Just feels like at times I have more of a grip of what's happening to me, compared to others where I don't.

    So basically I would love to know, is it still normal for someone at my age/smoking duration to be experiencing these things at day 23? or should I start to worry about something more sinister like I've basically messed my body/mind up by using this drug. It just feels like I won't feel normal again and I'm not even sure I know what normal is..so so confusing!

    Just to add : I've started using Inositol powder, Rhodiola, fish oil and some other little supplements. These have helped immensely to be fair. I don't want to go down the pharmaceutical route. I'm so far getting by (just) on the hope that these bizarre symptoms will eventually fade.

    Any input/help would be greatly appreciated! Hopefully something that will ease my mind and give me some genuine hope, as it feels hopeless as my symptoms don't seem to be the definitive 'norm'. Especially from the admins, who have experience and can see the bigger picture so to speak

    Many thanks

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Sault Ste Marie Ontario
    Posts
    66

    Default

    Hi Mke1,

    Sounds to me your thinking way too much brother! After reading your post it seems that you've improved already significantly, so I don't know why you would think that would stop. I've read that people think they feel amazing after 6 months only to find they feel even better after a year! and even more so after that. In my humble opinion I think you need to chill and embrace your healing process. It's a ride meant to be experienced and the more you resist it and not accept where you are in the process the harder your mind will work to convince you somethings wrong. If you really want to expedite the process I would recommend looking into water fasting and meditation. I would go on and on about the benefits of both but I got a good feeling you'll look into it. Keep us posted and congrats on the 23 days! Only up from here.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    912

    Default

    Hi Mke,

    I got your message this morning, but I couldn't write back because apparently you have turned off messages in your account. As you can see your post has been moderated now. The first ten posts of new users are moderated to make sure they are not bots / spam and therefore this is why it took a while for your post to show.

    I would say that 23 days or three weeks is not very long at all. I don't know who is saying that it will all be over in two weeks, because I would say that nothing is further from the truth (for most people).

    I found that I really started to feel an improvement at about six weeks and that is about how long drugs and alcohol counsellors say that you need to wait until you can see something of what it is like to live cannabis free.

    Give it time. One thing that I do agree with Kasper is that if you focus on the negatives, and focus on all the things that feel bad right now, then it will be imprinted on your brain and you will probably feel worse.

    You are doing a great thing and it is a baby, baby quit, so take care, good luck and let us know how you are going!

    Cheers,
    Alice

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Thank you for the reply it's really nice to have some re-assurance, especially about my over thinking! Thanks for the advice I will definitely look into both things I will be sure to keep you guys updated on my progress!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Thanks Alice, I don't know why my messages would be off, but I guess it doesn't matter now as you guys got to see my post after all Thank you for the kind words, I guess I've just got to accept my situation and try to ride it out, I don't really have a choice lol No idea how long this ride will last but I'l be sure to check back in and let you know how I'm doing at a later date

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    912

    Default

    No worries Mke, perhaps I couldn't send you a message because you are a newbie. I am not sure, but it is good that disaster has been averted and you found your post.

    Do let us know how it is going for you.

    The definition of acceptance is 'noticing without judgment'. I hope that helps

    Alice

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Hey guys

    Just wanted to check back in with an update like I said. Currently on day 51 and I'm not out of the woods yet unfortunately. Many of the previous symptoms have gone but some have persisted. Having said that they're not as intense anymore as they was before so that's a relief. Now I'm mainly struggling with fluctuating depression symptoms and the inability to think clearly, coherently and rationally. This in-particular is now my main problem as well as negative, intrusive thoughts. The depersonalisation comes and goes but nothing like it was before when it was constant. I pretty much just ignore it now. The sleep issues have pretty much completely cleared up and so has the vast majority of the anxiety based stuff.

    I've come to accept that this is definitely an individual process for each of us. For me personally it's also an excruciatingly slow one. Every day I get under my belt now is a victory as it hopefully gets me a step closer to being completely normal again. 2 months is my aim now lol I have a friend who recently stopped smoking and she smoked just as much as I did daily, but also for over 5 years longer. She was good to go by the 4th week! So again, it just seems totally individual in that sense.

    Thanks again to everyone who posted an shared their stories, don't know what I'd have done without it in my first month!! And thanks again to Alice who I think has clearly been a rock of support for many people over the years - absolute legend!

    Thanks for reading, I wish everyone the best of luck that's going through this torture!!

    Take care

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    California
    Posts
    67

    Default

    Hi mke1

    Sorry to hear your withdrawal symptoms are persisting. It is difficult. I am at 62 days and feel much better than I did, but seem to have relapsed a bit recently in the withdrawal symptoms. Having trouble sleeping again and appetite was off today. You articulate pretty well how I am feeling:

    "Now I'm mainly struggling with fluctuating depression symptoms and the inability to think clearly, coherently and rationally. This in-particular is now my main problem as well as negative, intrusive thoughts."

    I am dealing with this as well. Some days/moments are better than others. And it seems to be worse when I am tired.
    I am trying to remain hopeful that it will pass. I have to remember that many people have lingering symptoms for months and months, and I am looking forward to my 3 month mark...and beyond.

    Can you talk more about your feeling of depersonalization? Can you describe it?

    Thanks for reading and I hope you (and I) continue to make progress!

    All the best
    John

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Hi John

    Sure, the feeling I am referencing in a nut shell - is a feeling of being detached from reality. It's like things are very dream like. Maybe it was more derealization, I'm not sure on the terminology to be honest. I would have been best describing it to you when I was actually 'in it' as it's not really an issue for me now thankfully.

    Like you, it's the inability to think properly now which is the main issue and the general feeling of 'somethings not right'. it's a very strange, ominous, disorientating feeling. it is getting better though, it's just it seems like by 0.1% daily lol I remember when I had alcohol PAWS i felt many of these sensations then and that lasted around 3 months. So using that as a personal reference/measuring stick gives me some hope. I remember thinking back then that I would never be the same again I was utterly convinced I'd be screwed forever.

    I hope you continue to get better too and I wish you the best of luck I'm sure a day will come when this is all a distant memory.

    Take care

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Also John I forgot to say. 'Some days/moments are better than others. And it seems to be worse when I am tired.' Is exactly the same for me. When it comes back stronger It makes me feel like I have actually made no progress what so ever! It's like being stuck in an awful, weird loop! Sometimes the mornings can be really bad and it improves in the evening and visa-versa depending on the day. I've been avoiding driving because of this, it seems like simple things like 'reading the road' and making decisions/judgements have become a major task for my brain as it seems my response time is so slow and inefficient! Not a very nice feeling.

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