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Thread: Scared and Paranoia

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
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    Default Scared and Paranoia

    I have seen this website in the past and always wondered how I might end up if I'd ever quit. And I never really thought I would see the day. And coincidentally, here I am.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

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    Since I was 19 (Now 27) I had always smoked socially as I could never really get a hold of my own,that was up until I was 21 or 22 then it became my daily do. I would smoke 8 times a day(probably a low ball,) usually from a pipe.. And never once did I ever leave the bowl not filled to the top and I would even have to pack it down most times. And to be honest I probably would have kept going. That was until very recently.. One day I was feeling like a sore pain on my chest(right side) so I looked it up on WebMD and boy, what a stupid decision that was. I was convincing myself for days that I had breast cancer and that I was going to die,then I had shifted my mind to thinking because I had my nerves in shock my neck muscles went ballistic and would end with me being completely strained out of stress so then I thought I had throat cancer,hypothyroidism) also feeling like I had a lump in my throat. (But it never prevented me from eating or drinking) because I had felt a strain on my neck so while smoking..now I would normally smoke indica.. But something this time I was more wanting to go to the route of sativa, usually because of the sweet smells. This was a huge mistake. As I felt that this had exasperated things. I have been in a mental battle that I still struggle with (depression, anxiety) So much so that some nights I struggle to sleep, as of typing this I am struggling to sleep. But this was never a new thing for me, as I had always had a problem sleeping. And usually I used to smoke to alleviate this.. But I saw myself having to go for more and more to calm and ease my mind. But there were other symptoms I noticed that had started to worry me even more. I wasn't hungry.. At all for a week. I mean, I still ate.. But my portions were ridiculously small compared to what I usually did, I'm a 6'4 dude. Granted I live a pretty sedentary lifestyle. It felt like my brain was out of wack. So here I am at about 1 week now. I never went to the doctor's as I couldn't afford health care(in the process of getting free Healthcare) but I thought I could beat this on my own. Every day since I have broken into tears usually from frustration.
    I have my wife who has been with me every step of the Way.(I cherish her so much because she had been hearing me harp about the same things over and over)I also had turned to my family for support as I knew that they had felt some symptoms of anxiety and depressio. I had never dealt with anxiety,that I can tell. And sometimes I find myself anxious so I have to breathe and calm myself manually. The hand and feet sweats have subsided and my cry fits are usually short and able to pull myself out now. With the help of those breathing exercises and such. The only things I worry about now are my stress levels which I think have gotten better, not usually snapping at my dog, myself. But never to my wife. I love her too much. Anyway. I never felt a craving to smoke, other than to want to sleep and get rid of these crying fits. I just don't want my hunger to be motivated by it. I don't want me to have to smoke just to be happy. I want those things because I want to want them.
    I was scared to take prescription drugs to deal with the mental side as I'm scared that I will be mentally numb. I don't want to be a complete stranger to myself. I play video games to distract myself but often times I find myself in deep thought. And I still find myself where I have to relax my muscles.
    But it feels like I forgot how to be human.
    I forgot what hunger was. And that was the worst. I never felt (and still don't really) cravings for food that I previously loved. Pizza, Chinese, Burgers.. Yes I know I am probably better off from these but still.
    If anything I was more interested in fresh food (ceviche, Mexican shrimp cocktail,raw carrots) people always chocked it up to it being hot outside and stuff. But that never stopped me before. I'm only really hungry for one meal a day. But they're getting heartier and heartier. I know I have improved from day one. It's just sometimes I see the glass half full. Others.. Well you know. I commend you who have read all of this. My journey seems like a long one. But one worth taking,and I hope that some day I can laugh about this. Thank you.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Junkfoodjedi View Post
    I have seen this website in the past and always wondered how I might end up if I'd ever quit. And I never really thought I would see the day. And coincidentally, here I am.

    Since I was 19 (Now 27) I had always smoked socially as I could never really get a hold of my own,that was up until I was 21 or 22 then it became my daily do. I would smoke 8 times a day(probably a low ball,) usually from a pipe.. And never once did I ever leave the bowl not filled to the top and I would even have to pack it down most times. And to be honest I probably would have kept going. That was until very recently.. One day I was feeling like a sore pain on my chest(right side) so I looked it up on WebMD and boy, what a stupid decision that was. I was convincing myself for days that I had breast cancer and that I was going to die,then I had shifted my mind to thinking because I had my nerves in shock my neck muscles went ballistic and would end with me being completely strained out of stress so then I thought I had throat cancer,hypothyroidism) also feeling like I had a lump in my throat. (But it never prevented me from eating or drinking) because I had felt a strain on my neck so while smoking..now I would normally smoke indica.. But something this time I was more wanting to go to the route of sativa, usually because of the sweet smells. This was a huge mistake. As I felt that this had exasperated things. I have been in a mental battle that I still struggle with (depression, anxiety) So much so that some nights I struggle to sleep, as of typing this I am struggling to sleep. But this was never a new thing for me, as I had always had a problem sleeping. And usually I used to smoke to alleviate this.. But I saw myself having to go for more and more to calm and ease my mind. But there were other symptoms I noticed that had started to worry me even more. I wasn't hungry.. At all for a week. I mean, I still ate.. But my portions were ridiculously small compared to what I usually did, I'm a 6'4 dude. Granted I live a pretty sedentary lifestyle. It felt like my brain was out of wack. So here I am at about 1 week now. I never went to the doctor's as I couldn't afford health care(in the process of getting free Healthcare) but I thought I could beat this on my own. Every day since I have broken into tears usually from frustration.
    I have my wife who has been with me every step of the Way.(I cherish her so much because she had been hearing me harp about the same things over and over)I also had turned to my family for support as I knew that they had felt some symptoms of anxiety and depressio. I had never dealt with anxiety,that I can tell. And sometimes I find myself anxious so I have to breathe and calm myself manually. The hand and feet sweats have subsided and my cry fits are usually short and able to pull myself out now. With the help of those breathing exercises and such. The only things I worry about now are my stress levels which I think have gotten better, not usually snapping at my dog, myself. But never to my wife. I love her too much. Anyway. I never felt a craving to smoke, other than to want to sleep and get rid of these crying fits. I just don't want my hunger to be motivated by it. I don't want me to have to smoke just to be happy. I want those things because I want to want them.
    I was scared to take prescription drugs to deal with the mental side as I'm scared that I will be mentally numb. I don't want to be a complete stranger to myself. I play video games to distract myself but often times I find myself in deep thought. And I still find myself where I have to relax my muscles.
    But it feels like I forgot how to be human.
    I forgot what hunger was. And that was the worst. I never felt (and still don't really) cravings for food that I previously loved. Pizza, Chinese, Burgers.. Yes I know I am probably better off from these but still.
    If anything I was more interested in fresh food (ceviche, Mexican shrimp cocktail,raw carrots) people always chocked it up to it being hot outside and stuff. But that never stopped me before. I'm only really hungry for one meal a day. But they're getting heartier and heartier. I know I have improved from day one. It's just sometimes I see the glass half full. Others.. Well you know. I commend you who have read all of this. My journey seems like a long one. But one worth taking,and I hope that some day I can laugh about this. Thank you.
    Most importantly, I am sorry to read of your struggles but glad to see you took the courage to quit pot and to come here and open up like this. You are one week into having stopped smoking pot and it sounds like you have the the textbook symptoms of cannabis withdrawal: anxiety, depression, eating struggles, sleep problems, irritability. The good thing is that several times in your post you mention things have gotten better, which is a good sign that your brain is already adjusting to the withdrawal of THC. This adjustment time and the severity of symptoms varies greatly with each person. Another good thing, you're not taking it out on your wife! From your own words I can see that I don't need to say this to you but she sounds like she is one BIG benefit to you!

    You seem quite well-adjusted and a good thinker as you mention reaching to your wife, to your family, to breathing exercises and you are weighing thoughtfully the use of prescription meds. I am not sure that such meds will cause mental numbness (as you fear) but some meds such as the benzos (Xanax, Ativan & others) can create their own dependency resulting in another difficult withdrawal process when you try and quit them. In some case withdrawals are reported for antidepressant meds, too. So, don't close the door on the meds route, using as needed might help but I'd say you are doing pretty well right now for one week into withdrawal. Keep up the strong will and the passing of time will bring more positive changes. It's not a straight line of feeling lousy to feeling normal so realize a roller coaster ride probably will occur - feeling good and then lousy and vice versa - but eventually the roller coaster becomes less like a Six Flags looping roller coaster and more like a kiddie carnival ride until the whole dang ride is over. I hope the ride is swift. Keep hugging that wife, doing that breathing and seeing the glass half full.

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