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Thread: Ramble of confuzion

  1. #1
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Default Ramble of confuzion

    so basically been smoking since 13 very heavily with a couple of breaks in between once I stopped for 9 months and ended up straight back on it again.

    but my cry for help now is due to a recent string of ****ed up events I have ended up smoking more than I ever have done in the past.. its lead to severe angiziaty depression suicidal thoughts lack of sleep anger aggression problems I struggle with my emotions
    I have gone from super man to crack head with in a year.. I have lots to process due to past and using cannabis as a coping mechanism its sunk in a taken over basically everything I now do in life .... I am a single farther full time carer to a daughter and I am all she has with is a struggle of its own my family are about as messed up as me without the drugs so support is more torment and confusion .. the mental and medical help service is diabolical over here witch is mainly the reason I tried cannabis in the first place as I have always had really bad angiziaty and paranioa from a kid once again due to lifes lovley way of introducing horror to a child at a young age ... its not like I have no priority's I'm a ****ing role model for god sakes... I hate everything aboutmyself I feel so shitty and discusting every time I smoke .. but I know how I get when I don't I'm scared of how I get having kids an all and no break to come down and off .. I'm constantly thinking about wanting to quit and wanting a smoke lol... i used to think as a teen in the studio i have to smoke weed because i rap and do music :P hahaha looool ****ing prophetic now as i know how negative cannabis affects people.. dammmm i really want to be able to have the strength to just walk away from it like wake up one day and just blow it off like fishy ***** i know i can as i have just walked away before with no struggle what so ever .. this time i get all worked up and motivated stay up the whole night before throw all my shit away film myself working on a car or song or something go to bed fine telling myself be strong for the morning .. then bammmmm i go to bed like the little red riding hood all cute and happy and snuggled up and wake up the ****ing hulk wanting to destroy everything (mainly myself) or i get to stage where the kids are in bed am I'm sat there with all that time twiddling my fingers thinking hmm well I'm now free .... like i said i have allot to get over and cope with hence the cannabis addiction lol.. helped at the time before it became an addiction :P .. i just want it out of my system now i will allways battle turning to cannabis as it has been there for me from a young age but more logically as got more older i realized i prefer myself off it I'm so much better but i just cant deal with life is all.. last time i quit 4 months down the line i stole a car ended up upside down in a lake of raw sewage woke up in resus with tubes everywhere my mum by my side it was ****ing horrid ... vowed id never go that road again .. tried to end my life 5 times since ... 8 times before the car crash and 4 before even developing a drug habbit... i have a history of not even wanting one lol ... this is all lack of sleep another reason why canabis played a part of medication but as we all know after a week of constant toking it mainly keeps you up at night with angiziaty lol leaving you with a habbit and more of a mental heath problem than you ever had before ........ my struggle isint with cannabis its with myself .. i know i can walk away and do it easy peasy as i have done many of times but this time lifes got alittle to crappy and my emotions and feelings are to far gone i recon i will need lots of CBT COUNCILLING ANGER MANAGMENT before i even consider a full stop ... but in routeen of things i can start to break and cut down i don't think i have much choice tbh my chest is hurting i cant even make it up the stairs with out feeling like i should own a buss pass I'm only 25 and i feel shagged mind body and soul i have so many conditions at one point cannabis helped with but kinda took over and made worse as i kinda just gave up on myself sparked up owl and it diddnt effect me until that high wore off .. using weed to mask it was the only support i had at the age since then i have grown mature and understand the detrimental affect of smoking weed for me and want to stop by all means I'm not afraid of relapse as not quitting for life its not like ill never smoke weed ever again the porpoise of this is to build up self control and be able to not smoke it let it get out of my system andjust use socially as and when there is no stress and a man can tryley chill and root into the ground and waste away in the sun for abit with no kids and a cold beer .... sounds perfict that's all i want haha never happen tho as i have one than another then........... hey look I'm stoner boe again

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    10

    Default

    Mate, You do sound in a bad way, but rest assured there are people who can help, I'm still only 9 days in to quitting weed after 25 years heavy non stop use, I'm 41 and taking it one day at a time! I'm not sure there is anything else I can say as there are other people on here who will reply soon I'm sure and they are more qualified than me as I'm also new to this forum, But I have learnt there are people who will help, and listen. So take it easy, don't beat yourself up, life in these modern times is a ***** and we face some tough times. You have children which I don't, and I'm envious, so you have one thing to live and look forward to. Keep your Pecker up mate. 25 year ex user (my post have to be moderated so I cant reply Instantly)

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,012

    Default

    Hey Unregistered,
    Good for you for coming to this forum and sharing something of your situation and your perspective.
    It sounds to me that while quitting cannabis might not be possible for you right now, I hear that you are saying that you are ready to make a change.
    This is absolute gold. People who are willing to make changes and seek help are so much more likely of success. Do you know how important it is that you even came here and told us your story? Good on you.

    I would suggest that the absolute best thing you can do for both yourself, your anger, your cannabis addiction, and your family is to seek therapy with a counsellor or psychologist asap. This person will help you to make these changes step by step in the right order.
    All you have to do as the very first step, is to go to your doctor and find out how you can get cheap or free counselling sessions in your area. Your doctor should be able to help you to find a good therapist and I am sure they would be so happy to hear that you want to get your anger and your cannabis use under control.

    Good luck to you!! I am sending you the very best wishes for the next stage in your life. Let us know how you go!
    Cheers,
    Alice :-)

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