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Thread: New member- typical quit story..need help

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    5

    Default New member- typical quit story..need help

    Hey everyone, I am glad to have found this site. I quit smoking on Sunday (4 days ago) for what has to be the 25th time in the past 10 years. It never lasts. Some longer than others. But I am here and scared. I am 42 years old and have been through an unimaginable amount of trauma in the last 5 years, most notably the death of my son. Which lead to the dissolution of my marriage, which then lead to me really turning to marijuana.

    I smoked in the past and went on and off. My ex never smoked so that curbed my usage. She also complained when I did use that I was more distant. So I would go in spurts. But to be honest, maybe if I was using when my son passed I would have been more chill we could have worked through our issues. Deep regret. Oh well, what is done is done.

    Though I am admittedly not a heavy user, I know I abuse the drug to escape the pain that is my daily life. I have accomplished none of what I wanted in life and find myself alone. I can't imagine diving deeper into a dependance on weed will help me dig out of this hole. I also fear I have become a sex addict as the number of women I have slept with in the past 4 years is staggering and shameful. I do all this to escape instead of deal with the pain. Though I do go to counseling and have been on SSRIs (no consistent psychotropics as of 3/18) nothing has worked. So I figure it's time to change the marijuana usage.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    So since Sunday I've had one hit of a vape pen (Tuesday) which to be honest did nothing. So maybe I have 2 days clean? I am honestly feeling as depressed as I have in a while. If this is what life is like sober than seriously **** it. This is damn near not wanting to be here. Maybe that is what I have to face? But I'd rather be alive and an addict than dead so that is my conundrum.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    129

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    Hi Milton im so sorry about your son passing and your marriage ending.

    Smoking wont help your depression. It will in the short term but eventually it will make you more depressed and youll need more and more pot to cope.

    You may have to be off pot for awhile before you see any improvements. Everyone is different. Im almost two months off and im still plagued with anger and anxiety.

    Why not make a goal of not smoking for 6 months or a year and see how you feel if thinking about quitting forever seems too overwhelming?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    5

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    Thanks Eroica. Everything you say I know to be true. No goals, just one day at a time. I will not use today.

    I'm now 2 weeks sober and man I feel great. I'm starting to love myself again and realize how destructive this drug has been in my life. Everything is sharper, I'm definitely more active and clearer of mind. Physically I feel better. I ended a totally dead end relationship when I realized the only thing keeping it together was my ability to get high and not give a care about anything that was happening. She didn't care about me and I didn't care about her. I've done that relationship with the help of marijuana about 20 times in the last 4 years. I haven't had sober sex since 2015. Sad. I want real connection and I'm done running from life. I have so much to be grateful for and I'm going to start living that way.

    Though sleeping has a been a *****. Not getting a good night sleep for 2 weeks sucks! Last night I had a dream so vivid I woke up in a panicked sweat. Also, the Phlegm. UGH. But the cravings are gone that were really bad the first week. I was also so irritable and that seems to have subsided. My outlook is much better as I enter week 3. I can't believe the effects this drug had on me and that they actually prescribe this for depression. Wow that is dangerous (but so are benzo's and SSRI's so...)

    But overall I am so happy I have put this down. Now I just go forward with a brighter outlook and clearer mind.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    5

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    Well, it's late here and I had a odd exchange tonight with a woman I was texting with. We were talking about yoga and I made what I meant as an innocuous comment about liking women in yoga pants followed it with a "Ha!" and "Please take that as the joke it is" to her and I got about a page worth of lecture back how I crossed a line of objectifying women. I wouldn't do that and I really meant no harm. This devolved into a discussion that I thought I was very authentic and vulnerable and then she told me she didn't want to go on our planned date. I can't win and honestly, if this is sobriety, screw this.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    129

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    Hi Milton. Good to know youre doing well. I totally understand how you feel about relationships and pot. While we are perpetually stoned we dont make the best choices and dont care about the consequences of those choices. Now that youre sober you can maybe one day a find a partner that you know for sure youll care about.

    The sleep thing may take a while to improve. Sometimes I still have insomnia. Try to avoid naps and try to go to bed the same time each night. And get some cardio too.

    Make sure youre prepared for future cravings and the reappearance of other symptoms or new symptoms. It may seem like youre going backwards but its part of the healing process and dont get too impatient.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    19

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    I lost my mother, and I also went through a very large amount of trauma. I can understand where you are coming from. I was very depressed and It made my weed use spiral out of control. When I quit it was unimaginably tormenting. I am about 6 months in and I am doing significantly better. I still find myself thinking about how bad things have been but I am also still recovering from my haunting childhood. I went through crazy mood swings during withdrawal and destroyed my room in blind impulse, I was suicidal at some points. I would have hyper vivid nightmares that would haunt my daytime thoughts, while I was going to school.... I do not think it can get any worse than what I felt like. At school I would be having conversations in my head about suicide, In my sleep I would wake up in a pool of sweat after being jolted awake. Laying there with body tremors and anxiety. The good news is there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you can get through this. I feel sooooo much better and I know in more time I will feel even better. I know you can do this.

    Mitchell

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